Give Them The Bird!

So, here we are again at the wonderful holiday where people eat themselves into a tryptophan induced coma.  This is also the holiday that sets up the New Years resolution.  Every year, we make the pilgrimage (pun intended) to grandmother’s house for the incredible feast.

Multiple plates of wonderous, over cooked delights, football and all the stories of the stupid shit we did as kids rule the day.  Yes, this is the Thanksgiving experience that we as Americans have always enjoyed (well, at least us middle-classers).  We rarely even give thought to what we are thankful for.

But before we enjoy this warm and eventful gathering, there is the always joyous search for the perfect turkey.  In virtually every store in the country it is same thing, freezer cases loaded with turkeys that were literally dumped into them.  In what looks like a pile of large boulders you begin your search.  For as long as I can remember, finding the right size bird was the mystery of life.

After having four or five of these frozen delights fall on your hands (like having frozen rocks smashing your fingers), you find the perfect turkey—22.8 lbs.  Being certain that this is the bird for you (there is always tons leftover), you carefully lower it into your basket.  Of course, your choice of bird has been carefully handled throughout the process of getting it to the store—right?  My guess is it was dropped from a dump truck, then used as a curling stone by bored warehouse guys.

There are a couple of things I simply don’t understand regarding store turkeys.  First, you can get the turkey frozen or you can opt for the unfrozen, “fresh” version.  Why is it that the “fresh”, unfrozen turkey is 3 times the price of the frozen variety?  It takes much more energy to freeze a turkey rather simply refrigerate it, wouldn’t that be a bigger production cost?  And you expect me to believe that the “fresh’ version is that much newer than the frozen one (or it has been handled better)?  Really? Sounds like another truth in advertising scam to me.  Maybe if the “fresh” turkey had a certificate of freshness I might buy into this.

Then, there is the issue of the freezer case (pile of boulders), is it really that difficult to separate the turkey by weight range?  Maybe shelving in the case with each one representing a range of weight.  This would surely make finding your bird quicker and easier.  Not to mention the fact that it would reduce the banging around of your precious feast.  And less handling of each turkey reduces the potential damage to the plastic wrapping and the flesh of our feast.

So, for this Thanksgiving, I am giving you the bird!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved