The Membership-Only Club

As I had written in a previous post, I recently visited one of the membership-only, retail warehouse shopping clubs.  After a harrowing experience with the club gas station (as previously written), I entered the warehouse and suddenly remembered why I despise retail.  This place truly is a warehouse, with all the warmth of a military depot but they have everything you could ever need.  From bulk food, auto and tire supply, flowers, toys, electronics, hell, they even have mattresses and furniture!

To confirm my impression of this facility resembling a military depot, the first product display that I came across was a two-pack offering of military grade ammo cans—I shit you not!   So, besides ammo, what are these containers used for–planters, shoe racks or maybe sewing boxes?  I pondered this question (though not for long), wondering if the next display would be mortar shells?

Ok, my initial impression of the club warehouse is that it was created for the survivalist-prepper.  As I move on through the maze of overstocked aisles that resemble an army surplus installation, I am blown away by the things are sold in large quantities.  For example; creamed corn, yes that creamy, yummy delight on the plate that your mother made you finish, or you couldn’t go outside.  I can’t wait to move on as I am sure there will be caseloads of spam just waiting for anxious buyers to snap up!

Then I discover 53oz tubs of slime, I had to ask what purpose this slime serves, I thought you usually buy products that prevent slime.  I was told that kids like to play with it.  Ok, why do kids need slime to play with, the tide packs are no longer satisfying?  I guess the next thing we will be hearing is that it snorts very nicely when added to bath salts.  The label says it is the best slime on the market, I beg to differ, the best slime is found in Washington.

Ok, I move on, next is the refrigerated food section where a very disinterested looking person is handing out free samples of crab.  Wow, the store carries crab, now I am impressed!  However, after sampling this white and red rubbery thing that probably doesn’t taste any better than the slime that I noted earlier, I discovered while reading the package that the product is labeled “imitation crab meat” and upon further examination, it is made from white fish.  The sample person told me it is crab, isn’t there some law against misrepresentation of a product?  However, you can purchase it in case quantity!

Oh, did I forget to mention the shopping carts?  The carts are on steroids, basically about one and a half times the size of regular grocery store shopping carts.  These wide beauties are perfectly built to carry several cases of creme corn, canned spinach or spam.  Plus, there is enough room on the rack underneath the carts to slide a carton of 5 lawn chairs on it comfortably.

Man, these stores have it all, once you finish picking up all your prepper supplies and ammo cases then (for the young romantics in the place) you can shop for—jewelry!  That’s right, for those of you in the mood for matrimony, there are several diamond ring options right there in the case.  Imagine dazzling your friends this evening at the cocktail party then telling them you purchased this timeless beauty at the same time you bought a couple packs of ammo boxes.  And for those of you do-it-yourselfer jewels, you can get a bulk quantity of cubic-zirconium for a very low price.

So now you are ready to check out, you have three of the over-sized carts in tow, filled to the brim with caseloads of everything the family will need for a few months.  After checking out with your club card and club credit card you head for the parking lot.  The weight of the over-sized carts is so great that it requires the assistance of a diesel locomotive to haul them out to your car.

So, once again, we see that Corporate America continues to dominate retail (and every other type of business for that matter) by successfully replacing every boutique and mom and pop store with these ginormous, void of any warmth or character, behemoth warehouses.  Can’t wait for these warehouse clubs to start offering healthcare, well, at least you will be able to pick up your prescription by the caseload.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2108 All Rights Reserved