Cocktails Incognito

Well, its vacation time again and I am getting psyched up and stocked up for that time of year where after fighting traffic, insane road rage and just plain crazy people to get to our vacation haven, you relax for one week.  But before heading out we must stock up on the necessary supplies that make your vacation enjoyable if not totally survivable.  So, it’s off to the store with “Everyday Low Prices” and smiley faces to find the best bargains for our vacation supplies.  As usual, I have on my own smiley face (sarcasm).

As I enter the store I am once again greeted by the enormous displays that look like retail mountains obstructing your path and making it impossible to enter the place without being molested by a sales pitch.  Today’s special—fizzy cocktails.  There is this craze in America today where we don’t want to be perceived as drinking alcohol or we simply don’t like the taste of it.  So, every type of booze is now mixed in fruity or super sweet juices and “sparkling water”.  The displays at my store have tropical palm trees on the display box and mermaids all over the cans of this alcoholic treat.  Mermaids?  Is this shit seafood flavored?  Or maybe it is a testament to the fact that water is mixed with alcohol and sold at a high price?

There are many other displays especially near the alcohol aisle of the store that has different brands, including some of the better-known varieties of alcohol who have joined in the frenzy of bringing booze to the candy craving yutes (youths, your honor!).  Maybe it is an image thing, we don’t want to be perceived as drinking liquor.  That might conjure up the image of old uncle Joe, who was “in the bag” and passed out on the sofa at Christmas gatherings.  So, we put alcohol in cans or soda-like bottles preserving some form of innocence or maybe cool.  Perhaps it’s a perfect disguise to drink in public, you know, incognito.

I have noticed that all commercials involving alcohol are now about image, it is the coolest guy on earth or the woman who is covered with tattoos sitting on a beach looking like a voodoo priestess and then there are the women in the elderly care center drinking the latest trendy juiced alcohol (what the hell is that about?).   Many of these sugary, alcohol delights have become trendy and are all the whisper at rave parties and in the pop culture world of America.  Online trending is becoming commonplace with these disguised cocktails that resemble some form of sugary fruity juice enjoyed by kids everywhere.

Then there is the idea of covering up the taste of alcohol with a sugary syrup making it more palatable, you don’t have to taste the alcohol to get the buzz!   There is a beer out there where they literally stuff 4 pieces of lemon in the neck of the bottle before drinking it, looks more like a fruit salad than a beer.  Seriously?  If the beer really tastes that bad, then why not change to a different type of beer?  When I want lemonade, I drink lemonade, when I want beer, I drink beer, seems simple.  If you have to cover something up to be able to consume it, might be time to change to something else.  When was the last time you’ve seen someone put mint in pot before smoking it?

Back to the packaging, does it really make an alcohol drink taste better if there are tropical or exotic designs on the packaging?  After drinking it are you really whisked off to a land of warm ocean breezes where a reggae singer is fanning your hammock and serenading you into paradise?  Once again, we see where the marketing wizards find a way to sell a mirage through packaging.

And what about children, some of these package designs are borderline cartoon images that capture the attention of little ones, often times with very colorful displays.  I remember the tobacco industry being under-fire back in the day for trying to encourage underaged smoking through their marketing efforts.  It occurs to me that these colorful, sugary displays and advertisement could possibly leave a lasting image in young minds.  While this may not be intentional it could still produce the same effect as other marketing programs—attraction.

But seriously folks if you want the cover-up the cocktail taste that makes your face twist into a contorted state, just buy a bottle of booze and one of the many sugar-laden juices out there and mix them.  Then go to your nearest superstore and buy a brilliantly colored plastic container complete with its own plastic straw and sea horses printed on it and voila you have your own incognito cocktail!   And for less than half the cost per drink!  Whatever happened to just having a cocktail?

Talk Ya Later

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