The 5G Diaper

So, all of the hoopla, fanfare, shouting and whoop-whoops have ended, now the construction of the 5G network has begun, coming to a neighborhood near you soon.  And now, it won’t be long before we are all being x-rayed on a daily basis, bombarded by enough radiation to heat your favorite pizza rolls while they are in your pocket (Hey, I guess that would make them hot pockets! ha-ha).  I remember as a kid the ad in comic books selling x-ray glasses, well, now I don’t need them, I will be able to see through people anytime.  The idea of wearing tin hats will be in vogue again and chapeau designers all over the world are salivating at the chance to design the most stylish piece of tin foil.

But seriously folks, scientists around the globe have voiced their concerns about all of these powerful radio waves bombarding human beings and the consequences of that radiation browning us to a delectable crisp.  Many science-types fear cancer rates will go off the map in a way we have not seen since Chernobyl.  Whether they are right or not remains to be seen, although, in these kinds of matters my money is on them.  They have conducted many tests replicating the same kind of power that 5G will provide its users and most conclude that there are many legitimate health concerns.  But never fear, the latest gruesome, kill them all video game will download twice as fast as it used to.

Then, to add insult to injury, we discover that one of 5Gs biggest attributes will be to allow corporate dirt-bag marketers to put microchips in every product they sell you and then monitor their life from cradle-to-grave.  This better equips marketing twits to track your buying habits and sell you more product.  The power of the 5G will give them the ability to virtually track your purchases anywhere.  It reached a personnel level in my mind when one of the media types following these developments indicated that a microchip will be placed inside baby diapers to track usage.  Surely incontinence products, pads or even tampons can’t be far off.  Imagine folks, your most distressing moments in life are now being monitored by microchip.  Doesn’t this make marketing managers and executives voyeurs of sorts or even pervs?

Now, we clearly see the motive of the corporate bastards who view us as dollar symbols and have promoted the use of potentially dangerous levels of radio waves to further line their pockets with billions.  It seems like one of the most egregious and indignant ways of marketing products by tracking the use of our personal, disposable wear.  With total disregard of the warnings of scientific folks and the health risks involved, this new advanced form of electronic insanity will become the norm for customers.  Funny, I think we have heard this story before, oh yea, terrorism and the propping up of the billions for the corporate weapons manufacturers.

It isn’t bad enough that satellites watch our every move, computers, TVs and cell phones monitor our every thought and conversation but now we will have chips shoved up our asses.  It is a plot right out of a sixties spy movie, where an evil scientist has found a way to kill all of earth’s inhabitants but before eradicating them, he will sell everyone his products.  It seems as though there was little debate by our fearless politicians about the safety of this new generation of communications and its predatory capitalist capabilities.  They just did their usual dance of shut-up and take your campaign donation check.  Nary a word was uttered by any of our regulatory agencies or safety administrations in regard to the vulnerability of this new, nuclear strength communications technology.  In fact, our communications agency director assures us that it is safe, wasn’t he the same guy who assured us that net neutrality was not necessary to protect customers rights?

We know that it will not be long before cell phones are actually embedded in our heads.  Notification devices will be installed to notify you of the optimum time to have a bowel movement.  Cars already contain devices that know when you have taken your eyes off of the road, so hell, why not skip the middleman and have that device installed in your forehead as well.  And lest we not forget to have the device installed that tells you it is time to get off your lazy ass and move.  Until then we will have to settle for wearing diapers, both baby and adult with chips that let the world know when your next bowel movement is.  And with the cooking intensity of 5G, hopefully, that chip will contain a thermometer to let them know when you have reached the optimum cooking temperature.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved