The Log Splitting Blues

A very dear friend of mine lives on 65 acres of beautiful woods that comes complete with its own pond and a view from their back deck that is simply awe-inspiring.  This friend has been very generous in giving me a good supply of logs to burn in my fire pit over the years.  Recently, he decided it was time to invest in a new log splitter.  Log splitters are the magic devices that turn a fallen tree into a warm night of adult beverages and comradery around the old fire pit.  For a quality splitter, one that has 25 tons of splitting power you need to spend about $1,400.   A somewhat pricy investment but you want quality when splitting logs as cheap equipment can be dangerous.

He made his selection of a well-known log splitting machine manufactured by a company with a solid reputation, that has been around for many years.  The machine has been rated very highly by those who have used it and seemed a solid choice.  For the first few outings, the machine seemed up to the task of splitting the logs from some trees that had lost their lives in a springtime storm.  Then a couple of days later my friend found a fallen walnut tree on his property, walnut is a great long-burning wood with very little smoke.  As he began splitting the first log, disaster struck, one of the hydraulic hoses that caries pressurized fluid to the wedge exploded sending hot hydraulic fluid flying in all directions.  Luckily, my friend was not injured in the event but was left very puzzled.

After he regained his composure, my friend decided to examine the fluid covered machine to see if he could confirm that it was just one of the hydraulic lines that had blown during the machine’s operation.  As he examined the machines’ hydraulic lines, he was stunned by what he found.  The blown hose, as well as the other hydraulic line (still intact),  were not certified, high-pressure hydraulic hoses, but instead were automobile grade water lines attached to the machine by standard hose clamps.  My friend is a very mechanically inclined person who repairs his tractor, pumps, generators and various other equipment around his property.  So, he knows what he is talking about when he tells me that those hoses were not up to specifications.

He towed the machine back to the store where he purchased it from (it has its own wheels mounted on it), to get some form or redemption whether it was his money back or a new machine.  The store where the machine was purchased was the orange home improvement mega-corporate store that has put many a local hardware and lumber store out of business.  You know the store where they want to help you save more while doing more.  My friend explained the situation to a customer service representative who then looked at him like he was from another planet.  “That’s not possible,” the representative told my friend, “every machine is thoroughly inspected after we take delivery”.  My friend took the rep outside to inspect the machine that he had towed back to the store and after examination, he simply looked the customer representative and said, “looks like you missed one”.  That sent the customer rep running for a manager.

The manager’s response was not any better and in fact, he argued that the hoses used on the log splinter were standard issue and were on all machines.  Bad mistake as my friend quickly went to a similar machine and compared the type and quality hoses on the display model machine, they did not match.  For those of you who maybe don’t know this, hydraulically operated equipment of any variety uses very rigid, high-pressure hoses that must be capable of withstanding a certain amount of pressure.  The fittings on the hose must be pressed onto the hose and must have the same pressure rating.  Anything less than the pressure that the hydraulic pump is capable of can end in failure and possibly injury.  Most hydraulically operated equipment has stickers warning of possible injuries if misused.  Certainly, inadequate hoses or other parts that do not meet standards is potentially dangerous to the operator.

After a rather lengthy argument with the manager, my friend was finally offered a new machine in exchange for the defective one.  He would later explain to me that he would have accepted the original machine back if they would just fix the hoses.  But the manager continued to deny my friends claim that the inferior grade hoses were on the machine at the time of purchase.  The store manager continued to claim the wrong hoses did not come from the factory nor were they installed by the store technicians.  As if to imply or even accuse my friend of putting the wrong hoses on the machine himself.  It was only after my friend threatened to take a trip to visit an attorney or even the Attorney General that the manager finally conceded and approved the swap of the wood splitter.

Let’s examine some facts here, the machine had just recently been purchased new and only had a few hours of use on it by my friend.  If both hoses that the machine was delivered with were up to industry standards, then they would have had to somehow fail in very short order for my friend to have replaced them with a shitty quality water hose and hose clamps.  If the original hoses had failed in such short order, then it is my bet that my friend would have taken the machine back immediately as the specified hoses must have been defective.  Plus, not everyone has the knowledge to repair the machine or would have even considered using some other type of hose.  To top it off why would you even fuck with it when the machine in question is new and has a warranty against such problems.

I know that I have said this before, but I will say it again, I am old enough to remember the days when local stores, hardware and such stood behind every sale.  In fact, in the days now long gone, someone would have driven out to my friend’s property with new hoses and would have fixed the problem right there on the spot.  But those companies are gone, replaced by greedy corporate prick organizations who are able to drive prices down at the expense of service.  In our area today, only two stores offer log splitting equipment for sale, both corporations who could give a tinkers-damn less about the quality of service.  Why should they care, they know that you will keep coming back because everything is cheaper there, right?

I know that it is hard to believe these stories, but this kind of shit is happening every day with these oligarchic companies who have driven small, quality businesses out of business.  As always, it is my opinion and I don’t hold the employees responsible, the rules and procedures are set by those in suits who drive expensive cars. But it seems to be worse every day and there seems to be no end in sight as corporate logos have replaced the family names above the door.  The sad news here is that until we are able to return to a society where decent-paying jobs are once again available, we will continue to see this corporate blight growing all over our communities.  Here’s to happier days!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved