God! –Rest Ye Merry Retailers!

Seems like you just barely get your Christmas decorations put away and its already time (at least according to retailers) to start shopping for this year’s holiday enhancements.  This insanity seems to happen earlier every year as I guess the retail corporations of American are not happy without “White Christmas” blaring across their instore piped in music channel.  Or perhaps it is the perpetual spirit of giving that keeps hapless shoppers spending endless amounts of money that they don’t have, on gifts that no one wants.  Or, maybe I am judging them a little harshly, as after all it is just the decorations that are on display—or is it?  It seems that there are more sales specials of every other product when those mesmerizing, LED decorations come out.

The stores of which I speak are two of the kings of retail, one the home upgrade store, the other, the brick and mortar king of discount retailers.  We had just barely gotten past Labor Day, in fact, the barbeque stains had not even dried yet when the Halloween decorations hit the shelves.  Now, I can almost accept the Halloween décor since it is only 2 months way by September 1 but two weeks later (somewhere around September 15^th), the Christmas décor of Santa was sitting next to the Wicked Witch.  By now I am totally confused, did I miss Halloween and am I in a fog marching towards the holiest of days.  For Christ sakes (literally), I no longer know when Christmas comes and goes, maybe it is true what has been said in holiday stories—you should carry the spirit of Christmas throughout the year (or something like that).

As a child, I lived for the holiday seasons, the cartoons, the lights, the days off from school and oh yea—the presents!  As I became an adult my feelings for the holidays begin to wain as I was sucked into the vortex of the malls, credit cards and the endless agony of figuring out what the hell to buy for all.  My depression usually didn’t set in until November, but once again corporate retailers have figured a way to fuck that up for me.  For pity sakes, all I wanted was a pair of gardening gloves for the fall clean up now I have the indelible image of sugar plums dancing in my head for the next 3 months.  The sounds of Bing Crosby crooning his Christmas greatest hits for next 90 depression filled days.

Seriously, I guess I get it, retail stores are failing, retail sales are sagging and the online store with the smiling-penis logo is taking over the entire shooting match.  But why can’t we focus on the splendor of fall events for a while, maybe with displays about raking leaves or fire pits on special?  What the hell, maybe celebrate October Fest with some seasonal beers and bratwurst.  I can even live with the Halloween decorations two months ahead of the holiday, hell, I have always loved that holiday!  But bringing Christmas decorations out two weeks before the official end of summer has to be sacrilege and a pitiful cry for help by the retail corporations who once ruled our world.

And for those who have kids today, this has to a special fresh hell for them as the little tikes are already nagging them about what toys they want.  We have barely gotten the little darlings back in school and they are already looking forward to the holiday vacation.  I have previously written that I feel that the Christmas decay had begun back in my childhood with the never-ending parade of advertisements that commercialized the once special holiday.  Now, the retail world is doubling down on its efforts to make Christmas the flea market of holidays, becoming as mundane as putting mulch out in the springtime.  By the time Christmas actually arrives we are already depressed or maybe desensitized from the three months of constant exposure to the decorations.  Maybe next week they will put the Easter decorations out and I will have something else to distract me from the constant marketing of yuletide.

It has become nonsensical in the retail world where they constantly compete to see who can get the customer’s noel flowing first.  All of this would be ok if I lived in a town named Christmas or Santa’s Village instead of the Retail Village of the Damned.  I know that we are supposed to carry the spirit of the holidays with us always, but it is a difficult concept to grasp when it is 100 degrees out and road rage is running rampant.  Maybe I can put a second shot of rum in my fall eggnog and everything will be dandy.  If corporate retailers are really that desperate maybe they should just leave the shit out all year where we will become totally numbed to Christmas like we have to most everything else.  As always—just my opinion!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved