And A Display Model In A Pear Tree

So, in 2019 you are expanding your style and technology in Christmas decorations.  For many years it has been the old standard of incandescent light bulbs in various eye-popping colors stapled all over the frame of your house.  The filament gets so hot that it actually left scorch marks on the paint of your life’s investment.  Throw in the plastic lawn Santa Claus with reindeer and decorate your Christmas tree with bubbling lights (filled with methylene chloride), or an aluminum Christmas tree with a rotating filter light and the ensemble is complete. For many years this was the standard by which all neighborhoods were illuminated with Christmas cheer.  Ah—but now the times, they are- a-changing.

Gone are the filament lights, replaced by the light-emitting diodes, the lights are no longer just stapled to the house but rather a professional lighting company complete with an expensive install bill, now builds a lighting display that would make the Las Vegas strip blush.  There are lights that flash with enough brightness and intensity to induce a seizure.  And also, the old plastic yard ornaments have been replaced with inflatable, lighted ornaments of all your favorite Holiday heroes.  So, this year, we looked to update our Yuletide expression in lights with something more fitting of the current technology.

Since we no longer have the local hardware stores or lighting stores of the past, we headed off to one of those corporate behemoths, in our case the one with the color blue on its corporate logo.  Upon arriving at their completely drab, nonoriginal super warehouse-style location, we discovered they had dedicated an entire area to holiday decorations.  I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but even the old lights and plastic decorations for the yard just seemed more original and inspiring than all of this new wave techno drab.  And the pricing on some of this stuff would almost require a second mortgage to do any kind of significant decorating.

After an extensive search, we found an item that really caught our eye, an inflatable balloon that resembled a Christmas tree.  But this one was somewhat unique as its color was not simply green but included the rainbow colors of those who fly the flags of LGBT.  Now, we do not try to hide the fact that we are probably more liberal than most of the people who live in our town and we are absolutely of the rebellious ilk.  So, this decoration seemed absolutely perfect for us, for there’s nothing like pissing off the neighbors at Christmas time.  This decoration should go over especially well with the minister who lives next door.

Now, I don’t want to get into the whole political argument of this subject, especially at Christmas time, live and let live I’ve always said.  But the originality of this yard ornament was just something that seemed to fit our way of celebrating a time of peace and tranquility.  So, after finding an associate, we inquired about picking up one of these inflatable ornaments.  Unfortunately, we were told that they had sold out of that particular model.  This news actually stunned me, as we live in a town I affectionately refer to as MAGA-Ville.  Are you kidding me there’s really that many people who live here that would buy this tree?  Amazing!

We were informed that the only rainbow tree left was the display model.  Since it was getting a little late to decorate for the season, we decided to go ahead and take the display model.  The display model was mounted on a rack that was basically 10 feet above eye level.  This would require our store associate having to climb up the large rack to dismantle the display and put it in a box for us, this is where the real story begins.

After finding a gigantic staircase on wheels that look like it might have been used to board an aircraft, our associate wheeled the enormous structure down narrow aisles to reach the shelf where our inflatable, political tree was on display.  After securing the staircase in its place the associate began his climb to the top and secure our purchase.  After nearly 5 minutes of scratching his head and looking at the display from every possible angle he could achieve while standing on a narrow staircase, he climbed down with a puzzled look on his face.

After taking out his mobile phone and making several calls around the store to different managers or department people (I guess), the associate put his phone back on his hip and headed to the back of the store.  About five minutes later the associate returned with a leaf rake.  I’m sure at this point the look on my face had to be priceless I’m not exactly how a leaf rake is going to be the perfect tool here to retrieve this display, but it piqued my curiosity.  So, again the associate climbed up the mobile staircase to the top of the rack where the inflatable tree was on display and used the rake to reach the display pulling it closer to him.  Then after several seconds of fumbling around with the display, the whole thing began to shut down and started to deflate.  Here’s where it gets a little dicey, the associate began hitting the inflatable ornament with the rake, I guess he was trying to expedite the deflation process—I wasn’t impressed.

Suddenly, the associate climbed back down the mobile staircase and once again headed for the back of the store.  When he returned, he had a device that resembled some kind of radical scissors that you would use to cut barbed wire.  I looked in total disbelief and muttered: “This will not end well”.  So, up the ladder again our diminutive associate went and began reaching in behind the display and hacking away.  Finally, and somewhat miraculously he came down with the rainbow inflatable tree ornament in hand.  We paid for the colorful display and headed home to put it up in our yard.

What I had discovered from our associate friend in conversation was that the store couldn’t find someone to help him with taking down the ornament as the person who put up the displays had his hours cut. Hours cut? I inquired.  Yes, he replied, “everyone has had their hours cut and no overtime or new hires” So once again we see a glaring example of what employed life has become within the ranks of the corporate slave land.  A despicable place that sours moods, tires the body and even kills the spirit of Christmas.  The only thing missing here is the allotment of coal lumps for keeping warm.

Back in the day, stores were smaller, customer-friendly and the experience was almost as good as having the product.  But that is all gone now as corporate America’s idea of “seasons greetings” is the new store charge card complete with high-interest rates and enslaved employees just trying to get by on low wages (the Cratchit syndrome).  For the customer, this simply means that we share in their frustration and have our shopping experiences become more of a labor of angst instead of love.  As always, this is just my opinion.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved