The Grumpy Old Fart Customer

We have just witnessed the people of France winning their protest against higher fuel taxes.  The French citizens have proven that protesting in large numbers can be an effective way to stop oligarchy governments.  I guess there comes a time when people get fed up with being cheated or misled.

I live in a smaller community (16,000ish people), where corporate business has all but driven small business into extinction.  This is very true where gas stations are concerned.  Gone are the private, family owned “filling stations” that I knew as a child, replaced by large corporate “convenience stores”.  These stores are about as impersonal as a business can get, you hardly even get thank you from the low paid person behind the counter.

Our smaller town is really a bedroom community for a large city some 60 miles away.  Probably better than 50% of our town’s population commute the 60 miles to the city to reach their employment.  A state highway that connects our town to the large city offers some convenience/gas stores along the way.  So, travelers are never stranded without options.

Recently, I discovered that my little town’s local gas stations were charging up to 40 cents more per gallon than the stations along the state highway. That’s right! I said 40 cents more per gallon!  So, some poor local who forgets to fill up on the way home will at least have to buy enough fuel to get to work at the higher price.  And what about those of us who don’t leave town every day, are we stuck being gouged for the price of a gallon of gas?  The nearest station offering a lower price is 20 miles away!

According to my research, price gouging is the charging of a price that is above what is considered a “fair price” in a disaster area.  So, these corporate bastards are basically able to charge whatever they want for a gallon a gas as unless there is a disaster.  In order to get the lower priced fuel, I must drive up to 20 miles away, to a station that offers it at lower price.  This does not seem like a fair practice to me and certainly lacks any form of goodwill.

Maybe it is time for all my local town citizens to go to the local, corporate owned retail- improvement store and buy some yellow vests and pay a visit these corporate owned gas stations who have little regard for the local community that they screw!  I am just saying.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

In the mid-1980’s a fast food restaurant (the one who used a little girl’s image) launched an advertising campaign using the slogan- “where’s the beef?” This ad was used to call out other fast food restaurants on their practice of using filler in the beef of their burgers.  The restaurant was struggling, and the ad campaign helped them gain market presence.

Why do I bring this story up?  Recently, I have noticed that every package of ground beef that I purchase has a large amount of gristle in it.  Even the beef purchased from a higher-priced, regional supermarket and not just the discounter with smiling faces has gristle in it.  It is very evident as you cannot chew this ground beef to the point of it dissolving and being able to swallow and digest it.

I have noticed this happening for about a year now, seems like it is getting to be more prevalent in every cut of ground beef in our market.  I guess as the economy worsens, the quality of products such as ground beef is being compromised in favor of better earnings per lb.  Stores must be using fillers to increase the earnings per package of burger.

To try and find an answer to this aggravating situation I turned to the www.  Little information exists regarding the use of gristle in the processing of hamburgers, however, there are sights that talk about “fillers” being used.  Fillers such as fat or a lesser quality cut of beef can be used.  On one site it simply referred to “fillers” as “additives” to build the volume of the burger.

So, what are these other “additives “or “fillers”—fat, skin, horns, hooves or maybe testicles? Supposedly, the USDA monitors these “fillers” closely and have very strict standards regarding them.  And, as we all know; you can completely trust your government to monitor everything—right?  Surely this is on the up-and-up and we customers are not being screwed again—right?

I put this to the test by going to a local hamburger stand and ordering a quarter pound burger (this stand has fantastic burgers), there was not one little piece of gristle anywhere in this quality burger.  I asked the owner of the stand where they get the ground beef used in their hamburgers.  She told me that they get their ground beef from a regional butcher wholesale store.  She indicated to me that they would never buy ground beef from processing plants that supply large stores because of the quality.

So once again, we the customer get screwed with inferior products from large companies who care more about profits than about customer satisfaction.  So now I must pay as much as 50% more for my ground beef from a local butcher, however, the quality of the meat is good.  If this trend continues in this age of the ever-shrinking wage and dollar I will be forced to become a vegetarian——holy crap!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

The holiday season is in full swing, package deliverers in their motorized sleds are everywhere, dropping off presents like modern day Santa Clauses.  As I work from my home office daily, it seems like a truck pulls up every two minutes.  This is the time of year when our dogs get their best workout, chasing these motorized sleds from one end of the backyard to the other.

So, I started out as one of the many recipients of all these packages but have become one of the victims of the lousy service that seems to be the SOP (standard operating procedure) these days within the package delivery world.  Since I always withhold the names of companies let’s identify them this way: a. Brown, b. Purple and c. Red, White and Blue.

I received a package from the company with smiling penis as their logo (I’m sure you can figure it out), a wood splitting device made from cast iron (name withheld, however, it is a good product).  The device was packaged in a very heavy corrugated carboard box, built to carry the weight of the device. upon arrival the box had sustained heavy damage on one side (I refer you to exhibit A, the photo at the top).  Since the product is cast iron, it sustained no damage.  However, it was left on the porch in the pouring rain with no covering.

My package was delivered by company Purple (when it absolutely, positively has to get there, even if damaged) indicated by a sticker attached to the top of the box.  Now, it has been explained to me that the company with the smiling penis originally contracts with company Red, White and Blue, then it is subcontracted to company Purple, I am guessing that somewhere in-between it was subcontracted to Santa and the elves as well.  As it turns out Brown did not touch this package and gets a pass this time around.

I also discovered during my anger-induced investigation that company Purple uses workers who are low paid contractors.  Once again, I smell the corporate rat at work here.  I have been told that these contractors have very strict deadlines that must be met or there are penalties for not meeting them.  So, obviously during this hectic period, your precious gifts are probably tossed about like a salad in the back of these motorized sleds.

I guess the last straw here was company Purple not putting the box (which had been damaged) in protective covering to shield it from the rain.  Even Brown, with all their faults, will at least put the package in a covering when it is raining.  Then of course, there is dear Red, White and Blue who has damaged enough of my stuff to write a book about.  Speaking of books, every time I order one (from the smiling penis company), my Red, White and Blue courier uses a sledgehammer to get it into the mail box.

Once again, we the customers suffer from Corporate America’s insatiable need for greed.  I know it is difficult living on with low wages and it makes the job tougher and is not very motivating to those who do them.  As customers, we should be very angry as it is sometimes difficult to earn those wages for ourselves and we should expect better products and services for every dollar of them.  Maybe if companies start paying people a living wage again, we will get products and service worthy of our hard-earned dollars.  However, if that does finally happen, I guess won’t have anything to write about!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

Occasionally, I find myself getting caught up in some of the gazillions of infomercials that bombard us daily.  One such informercial, boasts of a new pan that uses “porcelain technology” that will give you the ultimate non-stick cooking surface.  The informercial shows the pan sliding a cooked egg off it’s surface like a mail carrier falling on an icy sidewalk.

Ok, they have my attention, we have all used that damn Teflon, a chemical coating, that luckily has not doomed humanity to extinction.  The chemically produced coating was used by a company to promote an oil treatment that allegedly would make your engine last longer.  As it turns out, they discovered that the product deposited a damaging residue that could destroy your cars engine.  Image what that crap is doing to human bodies!

Having a cooking surface where you could reduce the use of oils, butter or other fat based would obviously be healthier (a claim made in the informercial).  We are of course, always looking for more convenient ways of cooking or anything else in our lives for that matter (I give you the wheel).  As I am now in the final stage of my life, I find myself enjoying cooking more and more and am always looking for better ways of doing it.

So, I bought one of these miracle devices made by the company with the same name as the city Batman hails from, obtained from the store with smiling faces.  With a certain amount of anticipation, I was ready to take the new pan out for a test run.  My first test would be the egg, which was the first product shown to be cooked with no butter or oil needed.

Setting my stove on a medium cooking temperature, I waited patiently for the surface of the pan to heat up (no oil or butter added).  Once the surface was hot, I cracked the egg and put it in the pan.  Waiting for a couple of minutes until the egg began to cook, I used a spatula to break the yoke and turn it and discovered that the egg had become fused to the non-stick surface. After a few more minutes the egg had turned into a glue-like substance that had hardened and fused itself to the pan.

I decided to try another egg, this time I would add the egg while the pan was still cool then bring it up to temperature.  As the egg began to show signs of heating up, I once again broke the yoke (I like eggs over hard) and attempted to flip it over.  Once again, the egg stuck to the pan so hard that I couldn’t break it loose even with a chisel.  After two attempts I discovered that I had seen better cooked eggs on a hot sidewalk.

I made one final attempt to cook a quick release egg, this time I used grape seed oil (a high heat oil perfect for cooking food without burning), again I set the heat at a medium setting and waited for the oil to heat up.  Once again after reaching cooking temperature the egg fused itself to the pan.  Amazingly, the oil didn’t stick!

I consulted the product website which assured me that the egg could be cooked without oil, butter and with the use of a gas or electric stove.  After considerable frustration, I decided to consult the all world video site for some help.  One video I found was done by America’s favorite conservative morning news show who had decided to showcase the pan.

With three skillets cooking, the show decided to demonstrate the effectiveness of each skillet.  The first two skillets kind of showed some success but still had some sticking of the products.  The third skillet was an “epic failure” (an expression oft used by my sweetheart-Christina), the marshmallows that had been baked in the skillet at 500 degrees (as promoted by the product website) burned and stuck to the bottom of the pan.  One host tried to defend the marshmallow mess as being “over cooked”, while the other two hosts looked stupefied.

Look, I am not trying to vilify this product, but why are customers constantly being deceived by slick carnival hawking salespeople who use modified props to sell bogus shit.  It seems like the concept of “truth-in-advertising” today has gone the way of the dinosaur, hell, back in the day, even the “Pocket-Fisherman” worked.

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

Have you ever received one of these notices?  I am betting that most people have.  This is the cover-your-ass (CYA) document that auto makers send out to make certain that they have no liability if accidents occur.  However, between me, you and the fence post, they are liable.

I recently received one these notices from one of the major auto manufacturers, lets identify them as the company that wants to go places.  The notice warns of a possible software glitch that could suddenly shut the vehicle down without any notice.  Well, isn’t that special, it also warns that this situation increases the risk of crash, which, as we all know, could cause bodily harm or death!

The notice advises you that you should drive the vehicle with care until a remedy becomes available.  So, what ever you do, don’t die until they figure out a “remedy”.  Are you f—ing kidding me?  It is not like the radio has a problem and you must live without it for a while.  This is a serious problem that could have very serious consequences.

Here is the hilarious part of this, you are sent a reimbursement requirement list should you decide to have your own auto technician fix the problem before the remedy is found.  My question to the manufacturer is this-how will an independent auto shop fix something that you don’t have a solution to?  Maybe they can just rotate the tires and that will fix it!

Once again, corporations showing the love and concern that they have for their customers.  For a problem that is this serious, shouldn’t auto dealers have every recall bring their cars in and get a loaner until their cars are fixed?  The manufacturers could reimburse the dealerships for the loaner cars.  Oh no, that would cost money and we can’t have that, even if it means saving lives.

Here is another kicker, the manufacturer does not recommend having the car towed. Really?  After this thing shuts down and I somehow mange to avoid being killed by oncoming traffic, do I just leave it on the side of the road until the “remedy” is found?  They also, do not recommend that you place a “high load” on the vehicles system, please define “high load”, is that anything between 25-55 MPH?  Or maybe it is at “track speed”, they should send a guide out with the information.

Now of course, the manufacturer offers this “remedy” at no cost.  How incredibly thoughtful, especially when you consider that they are the ones who created this life-threatening situation. Maybe throw in a free cup of coffee for your troubles and possibly a croissant.  Seems like we never had this problem before all this computer bull-shit, or is this just another way to get you into the dealership to see the “new models”?

What gets me the most here is the lack of urgency, it is obviously a fairly serious problem and they just nonchalantly send out this notice like a sales flyer for next week’s bake sale.  Auto manufacturers continue to lay people off to achieve more profit, yet, they don’t feel the need to spend some of that profit on customer safety.  Happy motoring!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

My heart grew a little heavy today with the news that Sears may be going through liquidation and possibly closing for good.  I can scarcely remember a time when there wasn’t a Sears store in every city where there was a strip-center or mall.  Many times, during my formative years, I was dragged through a Sears, Roebuck store by my mother.

And as a child, I can remember that monstrous catalogue that arrived by mail seemingly every other month (I believe it was an annual thing, just seemed more often).  That catalogue was amazing, you could order everything from food to underwear, guitars to lawnmowers, even a house!  You always looked forward to getting that book (over 500 pages), and just sitting with it, marveling at page after page of everything under the sun that Sears use to sell.

In my youth, Sears stores were generally single-story standalone structures.  The stores were department stores, as each type of product had its own distinctive labeling, for example; Craftsmen tools always had a giant wrench standing at the head of the department.  There was no mistaking the Kenmore department with aisle after aisle of clothes washers and dryers (kind of reminded you of an auto dealer lot).

Amongst their many departments was the coolest candy and snack center ever.  It always had fresh popcorn being made right in the center of it, which attracted everyone.  It seemed like there was an endless supply of jars that had every candy you could possibly want in them.  I am sure that Sears can be credited with the first point-of-purchase display that ensnared every adult via their children.

And toys? Oh man, Sears had the coolest toy department in the world.  Besides all the usual higher profile toys, Sears always had these basket shelves of toys.  The invention of plastic was not lost on Sears, they had every injection molded plastic toy ever made (before everything had China stamped on it).  As I remember it, they were the first to have a space where you could drive the kid size electric car.

I usually don’t mention stores by name in this blog, but I think this is one occasion when I would like to share my sentiment on possibly losing the “King of Retail Stores”.  There were other great stores: Kresge’s, Montgomery (Monkey) Ward, and W. T. Grants, but none of them could hold a candle to the wonder of Sears!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All rights Reserved

For those of you old enough to remember the good ole 1970’s, you will recall the ramping up of the day after Thanksgiving, now referred to as “Black Friday”.  For me, it still conjures up the image of two women nearly beating each other to death over a “Cabbage Patch Doll”.  The stores became “Texas Death Match” arenas where the last person standing gets the last piece of discounted merchandise.

People, elbow to elbow, shoving and maneuvering with little regard for courtesy or respect, this day was truly a winner-takes-all brawl.  Stoking the fires of the Black Friday melee were the corporations, using every form of special deal advertising they could devise, like chumming the waters for sharks.  For the first twenty customers that crashed down the doors, trampling employees to death, you got a great deal on a television (with stereo sound). But wait there’s more!

Well, those days are gone right?  Today, it is the E Black Friday that rules, right?  Gone are the mad dashes through the aisles, maiming and killing anyone foolish enough to get in the way—right?  All of that replaced by ordering from the company with the swooshing dick symbol, from the comfort of your own home—right?

No, those days are not gone, Black Friday lives on, but it is different now, a new form of insanity has taken over.  Today, shoppers, fueled by more corporate incendiary advertising, have created the new model of insanity—campers!  Yes, that is right, people now put their tents up on sidewalks, parking lots or anywhere close to the entrance of the shopping target (no reference to the store intended).

Now, Black Friday has become a “survivor” show, a Himalayan like trek up the mountain, hoping to survive until morning.  Braving freezing temperatures, snow, sleet or the occasional parking lot sweeper that could run over them, these shopping adventurers take a brave stance to save $200 on a tv.  Seriously, I have witnessed this spectacle outside of one the most popular electronics store.

Corporate America has truly proven that they can lead us customers around with a ring through our noses.  We will risk life and limb to save and to get more gifts with our money than our neighbors.  The holidays have become a contest to see who the most frugal shopper and survivalist is. The holiday season has become so artificial, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa or any other form of the holiday has become a Wall Street, retail game of survival.

So, as you might guess Black Friday is a day of hibernation for old “Grumpy”.  Shopping is a pain in the ass under the best of circumstances, when you put the silliness on steroids, it is totally unbearable!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

So, here we are again at the wonderful holiday where people eat themselves into a tryptophan induced coma.  This is also the holiday that sets up the New Years resolution.  Every year, we make the pilgrimage (pun intended) to grandmother’s house for the incredible feast.

Multiple plates of wonderous, over cooked delights, football and all the stories of the stupid shit we did as kids rule the day.  Yes, this is the Thanksgiving experience that we as Americans have always enjoyed (well, at least us middle-classers).  We rarely even give thought to what we are thankful for.

But before we enjoy this warm and eventful gathering, there is the always joyous search for the perfect turkey.  In virtually every store in the country it is same thing, freezer cases loaded with turkeys that were literally dumped into them.  In what looks like a pile of large boulders you begin your search.  For as long as I can remember, finding the right size bird was the mystery of life.

After having four or five of these frozen delights fall on your hands (like having frozen rocks smashing your fingers), you find the perfect turkey—22.8 lbs.  Being certain that this is the bird for you (there is always tons leftover), you carefully lower it into your basket.  Of course, your choice of bird has been carefully handled throughout the process of getting it to the store—right?  My guess is it was dropped from a dump truck, then used as a curling stone by bored warehouse guys.

There are a couple of things I simply don’t understand regarding store turkeys.  First, you can get the turkey frozen or you can opt for the unfrozen, “fresh” version.  Why is it that the “fresh”, unfrozen turkey is 3 times the price of the frozen variety?  It takes much more energy to freeze a turkey rather simply refrigerate it, wouldn’t that be a bigger production cost?  And you expect me to believe that the “fresh’ version is that much newer than the frozen one (or it has been handled better)?  Really? Sounds like another truth in advertising scam to me.  Maybe if the “fresh” turkey had a certificate of freshness I might buy into this.

Then, there is the issue of the freezer case (pile of boulders), is it really that difficult to separate the turkey by weight range?  Maybe shelving in the case with each one representing a range of weight.  This would surely make finding your bird quicker and easier.  Not to mention the fact that it would reduce the banging around of your precious feast.  And less handling of each turkey reduces the potential damage to the plastic wrapping and the flesh of our feast.

So, for this Thanksgiving, I am giving you the bird!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

Have you ever wondered why we need so much packaging?  It is interesting when you notice that your child’s favorite toy has more packaging for it than does most of the food products that you buy.  For example; a doll has a heavy plastic package that encapsulates 2 large pieces of heavy cardboard with the toy wired to them by 20 different twist ties.  By the time you unpackage the toy, the child is a year older and no longer has any interest in the doll.

Christmas morning was a time when dad had to assemble all the gifts and get them ready for the eminent abuse that awaited them.  Today, the balance of Christmas morning is spent just trying to unpackage the gifts, to free them from the bonds of the packaging elves.  It occurs to me that most of a product cost must be the packaging and the process of making it near impossible to open.  This is especially frustrating to those of us with arthritis who must somehow open a child proof bottle to get to the remedy for severe hand pain.

This brings me to my recent experience with packaging.  I needed a new flashlight, so off I go to one the amazing corporate shopping paradises near my home.  I find the flashlight that I want, take it home, then begin the process of extracting it from bullet proof packaging.  The flashlight is sealed inside of a square plastic shell that is sealed on all four sides. After several failed attempts to cut the seal with household scissors, I must resort to sheet metal snips to free my purchase from its prison.

What is this obsession to package something to the point where it can be buried then exhumed 200 years later in mint condition?  Many of the products packaged in this manner are built to be virtually indestructible without the packaging!  I myself, believe that this is the task of marketing departments who love to frustrate customers.

Then there is the issue of all that plastic that gets introduced into our environment and ends up in our oceans.  That square plastic container that I just opened will float around the planet for 500 years, or it will be consumed by some ocean critter.  This might explain why all fast food fish sandwiches are square, it is the shape they become after consuming the square plastic packaging.

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grump Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

About a year ago, I bought a new cell phone, its name rhymes with hemorrhoid, which also serves as a perfect metaphor as it is a pain in the ass( the phone will hereto be referred to as The Rhoid).  Recently, this wonderful device began to tell me that I am out of memory space.  After numerous attempts to clear thousands of megabytes of useless apps (whatever happened to phones that just make phone calls?), the Rhoid continues to give me this message.

Ok, I am no techno-geek, however, I am somewhat technology savvy, I do have a website after all.  Searching the web for answers was fruitless and was frustrating. This situation was certainly beyond my understanding and required someone who is more egghead savvy than I.  So, my best option was to go down to the cell store where I purchased this magical device and get technical service.

Once inside the store you pick up your number and you wait for what seems like an eternity to get to speak with one of these young technological saviors.  Of course, adorning all the walls of this store is all the latest and greatest new gadgets.  They don’t even offer coffee, hell, at least I get that when getting my oil changed or taking the dog to the vet!

After my number is called, I step up to the counter and proceed to tell this young person my troubles.  He takes the “Rhoid” from me and begins his examination, after numerous ahs and hmms the young man handed the phone back to me and said, “I am not sure how to fix this”.  Seriously!!!!!   After quizzing him as to why not he told me that this model of phone is over a year and a half old and there have been at least three new models since.

After further prodding, I discover that this young techie has only been at the store for six months and had no training on my “Rhoid, as did no one else in the store.  So, what this tells me is that I need to change my cell phone as frequently as I change my socks (which by the way is daily).  Within a very short period these devices become obsolete and you must buy the next 2.0 to100.0 version.  As customers, we buy something that has designed obsoletion and within a very short time period is out of vogue.

As kid growing up, I remember the phone on the wall, it lasted for years.  Now, granted, it didn’t provide games, the latest pop-culture news, and it didn’t give you the latest Kardashian quote, it just made freakin phone calls.  I never had to check to see how many bars I had, bars were the place where drunks hung out.

Once again corporations have found another way of controlling my life, taking my money without even so much as dinner or a kiss.  I guess the only reasonable solution is to step back into the stone ages and buy a pay-as-you-go flip phone.  Eeeech, how barbaric!

Talk to Ya Soon!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved