The Grumpy Old Fart Customer

In a recent post, I spoke about the value of product placement or relocation in large corporate stores.  After some research and study, I found more information on the subject and have discovered some interesting truths. We are being “analyzed” more than you could possibly imagine.

My curiosity peaked with the visit to some university web-sites where they claim to have determined the value of customers.  Referred to as “customer lifetime value” (CLV), universities have developed some complex math as it pertains to our worth to corporations over our lifetime.

These figures have been determined by conducting “simulations”.  These simulations include the study of students in a controlled environment and the compilation of what is referred to as “data stacks.  Holy shit, we have been reduced to bacteria on a petri dish!  I have a question: do these controlled environment situations include the mom who decided to bring her flu ravaged, coughing kids to the store?

These studies measure our (customers) buying habits and preferences from cradle to grave (they can’t tell me when I am going to die, however, they know what I will buying and if I am happy right up to the end), thus providing them with the coveted CLV number.  In every situation the environment of these simulations can be quickly changed, hardly what I would refer to as real world.  For example; if a customer doesn’t like something, a racing pit crew-like team comes out and changes it, great stuff if you are living in a bubble.

After obtaining these CLV numbers they are placed in what most call “play books” where strategies can be determine by using the numbers.  Hold on a minute, I get it, the universities are going to sell this shit to businesses, somebody is always trying to make a buck!  So now we are being sold like a guide to controlling the itch and burn of hemorrhoids.

You really want to keep customers for life?  Get rid of these corporate behemoth warehouses we call stores and go back to boutique shops and specialty stores where everyone is treated like valuable friends.  Now, I realize that the lack of income growth in this country has given rise to the mega, super discounted stores that litter our landscape, so maybe the problem goes deeper than CLV.  With cheaper products comes no respect for customers.

However, I am of the belief that everyone’s dollars matter, and business should realize and respect this.  It is true that over 50% of this countries’ workers make $30,000 or less, but they work just as hard as those who make over $100,000.  No matter what your income, merchants should treat you like gold, not just a number in a university simulation!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

Last Sunday, while driving to a friend’s house for a dinner party, we decided to stop by the store to pick a few things up on the way.  After entering my favorite super-discount store (you know—the one with the smiling faces), I discovered that the few things that I needed pick up had been relocated.  This seems to be happening a lot lately, and what should have been a quick trip to the store turned into a lengthy Easter egg hunt.

And of course, there are no store employees around to help with the search for the relocated products.  I sometimes feel that there is a conspiracy going on here, the shopping ferries know that I am on the way to the store and they relocate every item that I am looking for.  Maybe I am on a manager “hit list”, and this is their revenge for my grumpiness!

After some research, I discovered that there is some psychology in play here and that there is a method to their madness.  Studies have been done that prove relocation of certain higher volume products will cause customers to be exposed to a wider variety of offerings within a store while searching for their desired product. This increases the customer awareness of other product offerings or specials and thus the potential for increased sales.  I kid you not!

So now, instead of being customers we are “lab rats”, on that search through the maze, looking for the cheese!  Maybe these corporate jerk-offs have a holiday of their own that they celebrate—confuse-a-customer day.  More on this coming up.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2018 All Rights Reserved

On a recent visit to a regionally owned grocery store, I discovered that there was magazine rack on the premises, which gave me some joy as there are still a few magazines that I read (even with all of the electronic offerings).  After careful inspection of the rack I discovered that they carried a magazine that I often read.  However, the edition that they had was from last month and I had already read it.

Tough break eh (the only Canadian word that I know)?  But wait, my luck just changed, the man who restocks magazines has just arrived with a new selection of offerings.  Wow, could I really be that lucky?  Let’s find out.

So, I politely ask the gentleman if he had the latest edition of the magazine that I like in the three containers that he had transported in a shopping cart.  With a less than excited gaze, he told me would check to see.  With my anticipation growing to read this months edition, suddenly it all came to an end.

One second later, another gentleman pushing his own cart comes up behind the magazine man and says “hey, what’s up?”  In an instant my hopes for the latest edition of the magazine came crashing down!  The two gentlemen (apparently friends) engaged in a conversation that couldn’t be more boring if you handed out Valium.  Questions regarding what ground beef was on sale was quite the riveting discussion.

I stood there for five minutes pretending to be interested in the rest of the magazine rack when it became apparent that the magazine vendor was no longer interested in selling me a magazine.  Would it have really been so hard to simply tell his friend to hold on for a moment while he finished looking for my magazine?  Apparently, the answer was yes.

Once again, I must believe that these low paying jobs make it very difficult for employees to care about customers.  Face it, if he finds the copy of the magazine that I am looking for, bingo bango he’s got a sale!  However, in this world of profits over quality, the customer suffers again.

Talk to Ya Later!

Photo Credit: Christina Rausch

It’s lunch time, you’re in the car and you search for sustenance satisfaction in the one hour that you are given from your job to accomplish such a feat.  You drive through the gauntlet of elevated electric signs that attempt to separate you from your hard-earned dollar.  In an instant, you whiplash yourself with a hard turn into the fast food establishment that you suddenly crave.  Then you wait behind 20 other cars who had the same craving!

Now, I am no longer in the rat race and can take more than an hour lunch if I so desire.  So, I have plenty of time to make my choice and have a comfortably paced lunch.  Yesterday I decided to try the fast food circuit (something, I really shouldn’t do at my age), I drove the gauntlet of elevated electronic signs looking for the place that tickled my taste buds and decided on the place that is golden and no longer clowns around (get the hint?).

I pulled into the drive-up lane and of course there are 20 other cars waiting.  This is not a problem right, it is fast food, right?  Well, 20 minutes later I am finally at the window to pay for my delicious meal and the person who takes my money doesn’t even say thank you.  This may not seem like a big deal to most but let’s face it, this “food” is not cheap, and I don’t know about the rest of you all, but I am not necessarily wealthy.  It is always nice to be thanked for spending your hard-earned money.

To make matters worse, I set down at home to enjoy my meal only to discover that the burgers that I ordered resembled squashed hockey pucks.  They had all the flavor and juiciness of dried out cardboard.  I basically could have picked-up a 99-cent package of bologna, let it dry out then put a couple slices of it on some dried-out bread and had a better sandwich.  The burger that I bought was over $3.00 and that was without the fries and soda.

I blame corporations for this, growing up there were numerous mom and pop burger joints that had excellent burgers usually for 99-cents or less. The burgers were always fresh, real beef and grilled when you order them.  Most all those businesses are gone and what we are left with is corporate stores with pre-processed, chemically laden and antibiotic-rich protein (of some variety).

In addition, corporations have a terrible tendency of not paying much to their employees and not providing benefits.  Now before you say; “these jobs were typically for young people and not permanent”, you must realize that in today’s economy many 50+ year old people work as many as three of these jobs just to make ends meet.  So, I guess not receiving a “thank you” is probably forgivable.

When corporations were in the process of driving mom and pop stores out of business their offerings were at a very cheap price. Small stores could not compete since they did not have the buying power of the large corporations and were soon driven out of business.  However, today these corporate behemoths have raised their prices to a ridiculous level, especially when you consider the poor quality.

Furthermore, to call this garbage “fast-food” should be illegal under the truth in advertising laws.  There are times when I have had faster service from sit-down restaurants.  The concept of customer service here is virtually dead, just get in line, shut up and wait your turn!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

For over 200 years, we lived in this country without cell phones, how were we able to do that?  What made it possible to survive without those trendy little devices with 10,000 apps loaded on them, making it possible to do over 100,000 different things—-including phone calls.  We surely must have been haplessly wandering through the wilderness of life without a clue for over 200 years!

There have been recent studies and reports that have confirmed that texting while driving is dangerous and the potential consequences of such an act. Yet, on any given day you can take a trip on the interstate and see numerous drivers engaged in texting while driving.  It is obvious that there will be stricter laws coming and people will bitch about them, claiming that it will impinge their freedom.

Now, consider this, yesterday while shopping at my favorite discount store (the one where there are smiling faces everywhere), I was nearly run over not once but twice by individuals who were texting while pushing their carts.  In both cases, I went completely unnoticed until I cleared my throat.

It really is pitiful that I am not safe from texters even when I am a customer!  Maybe these corporate owned stores can make their shopping areas no cell phone zones.  Oh, the humanity, the thought of not being to use the device that keeps you alive for one hour!  I am afraid that would cause wide-spread panic and depression!

Is it not enough that customer service is nonexistent but now I must worry about my very life while perusing the cereal aisle.  Will this give birth to the age of traffic signals on the store aisles?  Won’t matter, texters will drive right through the red light anyway.

Recent reports in the media have indicated that an attack on our power and communications grid would be devastating.  I have no doubt of the legitimacy of these reports as I have witnessed that life without cell phones is impossible.  The loss of cell phones would set us back to the old days when we didn’t have them—–unthinkable!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

I grew up in the 1970’s and can still remember the old corner drug stores that seemingly dotted the landscape.  The stores were owned by pharmacists, often a husband and wife team with their children working there as well.  If you were a regular customer, you were treated as a friend and was always welcomed with a smile.

The pharmacy that my parents used even had the “soda jerk” still operating, plus all the favorite candies in jars.  The store was adorned with different paintings, artwork and bric-a-brac that took you back to the old days.  It was more like an experience rather than just a shopping trip to the store.

Flash forward to 2018, now pharmacies (and virtually every other kind of store for that matter) are owned by corporations, who’s main objective is to make you a consumer (you know—something that is measured in cash) not a customer. The pharmacies have become “super-stores” that look like every other store out there. The interiors of these places are so vanilla and sterile they actually make operating rooms look stylish.

So, a couple of nights ago, I agreed to go to the pharmacy for a friend and pick up his pain meds.  My friend had just gone through his second back surgery in a month and wasn’t very mobile.  I decided to go the pharmacy that uses only letters for a name (I’ll bet you can guess it).

I entered the store and made my way through the endless racks of commercialized products that turn the place into something that the “Maze Runners” would not be able to conquer.  After finally reaching the pharmacist counter, which is as barricaded and friendly as a police station, I handed the script to the pharmacist who was behind the glass.  After staring at it for a minute, she proceeded to tell me that the store was closing in 4 minutes and that it would take 15 minutes to fill the script.

With a half-smile, she returned the script to me and wished me a good evening—how considerate. So, not only do today’s pharmacies lack any kind of style and warmth but they are also devoid of any kind of customer service.  I was forced to go to the other major pharmacy in town which not only has too many locations but is open late.

Ok, I completely understand the tricky issues with drugs, the opioid crisis and other abuses, but it seems to me that the law-abiding customers are the ones who suffer most.  Would it really have been a major crime to fill script even if the manager had to lock the door then let me out?  Gone are the days of the customer-friendly proprietor, replaced by an underpaid, underappreciated employee.

Being a customer-driven organization is something that is as extinct as the dinosaurs, once again proving my theory that we are all now just consumers, we look good on a spread sheet but not on a happiness meter!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2018 All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: Christina Rausch

Whatever happened to the Halloween that I knew and loved?  As a kid Halloween was the holiday that I’m most looked forward to, more than any other in our calendar year. This was the opportunity to dress up as your favorite hero, favorite villain or maybe just a sheet with 2 holes in it and call yourself a ghost or maybe some boxes with knobs drawn on them which made you a robot!

I so looked forward to this holiday because once you were dressed up as your favorite character, you were free to roam the neighborhood and beg for treats. Now don’t get me wrong, Christmas was a great holiday, opening presents and drinking eggnog (which in later life was laced with rum) but it simply did not have the adventurous spirit of trick or treating!  It must also be noted that I grew up in the 1970’s and realize that a lot has changed.

Now, I am not going to get into the PC arguments that have become prevalent in the media, we have enough talking heads for that.  But there are some things that have taken the fun out of Halloween: (A) the peer pressure to buy the most expensive costume, (B) fewer kids participate in the traditional Halloween festivities, (C) The home cooked creative treats have been replaced by corporate candy, (D) You must hire an FX team to decorate your yard for Halloween to outdo the neighbors.

Costumes used to be cheap or easy to make (I mentioned this earlier), the dime store (really dating myself here) used to carry every hero, celeb or villain for less than a dollar.  These costumes simply draped over your body and came with a plastic mask that had a rubber band on it—–easy peasy!  Those costumes, however, did not come without a certain amount of risk.  They were highly flammable, and you never got near an open flame which generally included your mother, father and uncle Joe, all of whom constantly had a lit Marlboro in their mouth. Today, you must spend tons of money on costumes as peer pressure drives you to have the best one.

In the last few decades we have seen Halloween take on a different look.  Whether it is distrust or just out-and-out fear, Halloween has seen its trick or treat numbers diminish.  This change is not totally unjustified, events such as razor blades or pills inserted into candy brought about a whole new level of trepidation regarding this holiday.  So now, “trick or treating” is done in a church parking lot out of the trunk of a car (trunk or treating).

Treats have changed as well, gone are the days of dear old Mrs. Smith, who always had homemade brownies, popcorn balls or Carmel apples to give out.  Today, we have a handful of corporations who control the treat world!  Of course, there was packaged candy in my day, but it was some much more creative, like the straws with flavored powder or the syrup filled edible wax.  Now, there are candy bars cut into small pieces and re-wrapped, you don’t even get a whole candy bar any more for cripes sake!

Then there is the situation with Halloween decorations, I remember when we were kids, there were pumpkins on the front porch with a candle in them.  That, coupled with the front porch light being lit, meant the place was open for business!  Today, there are homes that have more techno crap in them than a Hollywood FX set.  When did my neighbors become “Tim the Tool-Man Taylor”, each one striving to outshine the other?  From the robotic werewolf and vampires to flying gargoyles, cool for sure, but seriously folks, get a life!

So, what does all of this have to do with a grumpy customer?  Well, I believe this holiday, more than any other used to be the one you could do on the cheap.  Christmas was an easy mark for commercialism because of the redefinition of the meaning of gifts.  Halloween was the only holiday where you could fill your pillow case and imagination with a seemingly endless supply of goodies.  Today, like everything else, Halloween is owned by corporations and pop culture.  Happy Halloween everybody!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2018 All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: Christina Rausch

When we think about top shelf products typically we think about things such as expensive vodka, or other alcohol drinks that you can get at your local watering hole.  However, the top shelf products I’m referring to here today are the ones that some stores just love to put out of the reach of certain customers especially those of a senior age and shorter stature.

I will give you an example, recently on a trip to one of my very favorite stores, you know the one with the smiling faces, I was walking down an aisle when an elderly lady kindly asked me if I could help her reach a jar pickles that were on the top shelf.  I was, of course, happy to do so, for this poor lady looked as if she were about 4’ 4” tall and had a serious case of scoliosis.

After completing the task, I handed the jar of pickles to the nice lady and jokingly bragged about the advantage of having long arms (monkey arms—as my dear girlfriend refers to them). The elderly lady smiled, graciously thanked me and was on her way.   I stood there for a moment gazing at the shelf and wandering; how the hell does anyone under 6’ 2” (my height) reach this shelf.

Now, I understand the occasional limitations that stores have, especially when they continuously increase their product offerings.  But surely there is a way to organize shelving and displays where it does not require stilts or a stepladder to reach products.

This may sound like whining to many of the younger generation put there but believe me, you will have your day with Arthur, Arthur-Itis that is.  Or possibly you will get to suffer one of the many other orthopedic delights that come with the “final phase” of life.

The new internet or text shopping is an alternative but as I discussed in an earlier post, I am rather picky about my groceries and the selection process therein.  All stores need realize something; my generation (boomer) is the largest and over the next 15 years we will be shopping in large numbers.

Motorized shopping carts aside, I am just saying that must be some other ways of making shopping more convenient for us seasoned-citizens.

Talk to Ya Later.

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2018 All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: Christina Rausch

OK, so here’s another post that I want to share with you.  I have this habit that some, especially my children, girlfriend and friends call an obsession. In fact, my girlfriend lovingly calls it obsessive compulsive.  Now, you ask what could I possibly be doing that would appear to be obsessive compulsive? 

Well, I have this habit of always reaching to the very back of a store shelf or to the middle rack of a refrigerated case when shopping.  In fact, I will even reach for the last copy of a magazine in the back of the rack. 

Some believe that this is the act of an obsessive-compulsive individual. However, this is more of an act of someone who demands quality for his hard-earned dollars. There are habits of shopping that you should have that ensures that you get the best possible product.

Several years ago, I was told by a friend who managed a grocery store that managers spend their first moments every day in a store checking the shelves.  This procedure includes arrangement, tidiness, quantity and most importantly “best used by date”.

Typically, as I was told, the older stock is moved to the front of the rack to better ensure that it is selected first.  Sounds rather nefarious to me!  But, it is the responsibility of management to ensure that the older stock is sold first.

Alright, I can see that, but here is my need as a customer; I want the best possible quality of anything that I purchase, including how long it lasts.  Perishable food by its very nature, usually has a limited shelve life (with some exceptions of course).  I don’t want to buy something that only has a week left before it’s quality or freshness expires.

This takes us to the cooler racks, where my manager friend explained to me that the optimum cold temperature is achieved on the center racks.  Why I ask?  Well, because the front racks and the rear racks are exposed to a more ambient temperature (the temperature surrounding the case).  The center rack is more likely to maintain optimum temperature.

Now, sometimes the newer products are on the back racks in a refrigerated case, this can pose a dilemma for sure.  In most cases I still opt for the newer product.  All of this, of course, requires careful inspection and determination, something that I did not do before I entered “the final stage” of my life.

When it comes to magazines, I have strong feelings about the first copy on the stand.  If you inspect it closely, you will often notice that it has been read by several people. I like my magazines unread and undamaged, I will read and damage them myself.  And let me say this; people who go to a newsstand and read an entire magazine then don’t buy it drive me crazy—–buy the damn thing cheapskate! 

I ask you, is this unreasonable, the act of an anal retentive or compulsive being?  Or am I just a customer who believes in getting quality products at the best value?  Let’s face it, we all work hard for the few dollars that we are paid, and it is important that we spend them wisely.  I am picky about what I buy these days.  Maybe it is a symptom of the “final stage” of my life but screw it, it works for me!

Talk to Ya Later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2018 All Rights Reserved

Photo Credit: Christina Rausch

By now you have already figured out that I will not identify any company, product or person here by name (helps me to avoid problems).  I will however, give you hints from time to time that will help you guess who I am referring to.

Have you read the ingredients on the label of any of the products you have purchased from the store lately? Holy crap! There are more chemicals in most of the stuff we eat than in the chemistry classes that I had in college!  If you live to be 75 years old and decide you want a traditional funeral they won’t have to use embalming fluid, you are already preserved.

Recently, while reading the ingredients on a bottle of salad dressing I discovered chemicals I never even knew existed.  Why do we need so many chemicals in our food? Is it to preserve the food, is it to enhance the flavor or are they just used to keep chemical companies in business?  I would bet that if you had the time and researched each of these chemicals you would find out that most of them probably corrode steel.

Having realized this, I now read every label of everything that I buy.  Low and behold every product in my shopping basket has so many chemicals in them that they should include an MSDS sheet (look it up).  And we wonder why what we eat is killing us?  Or maybe it’s the complete opposite, maybe this is the reason for the increase in humankind’s lifespan.

It is simple really, we are being preserved!  I remember an old man that I used to work with who always said that: “what we eat is what will kill us”.  I used to shrug this off and laugh, however, I now believe he was right!  The old joke was: “If you put a Twinkie on a steel railing, 50 years from now the railing will rust away but the Twinkie will still be there”.

Is it any wonder that cancer is such a big risk?  We ingest so many chemicals that the risk must be huge.  Food labels should include a space to show the percentage of actual food in the product.  That is where the shock factor will come in as you realize that a large percentage of what we consume was brewed in a lab!

As I am now in the “final phase” of my life I have started to slow down and read these kinds of things. Luckily, I have survived long enough to become aware that this is going on.  Maybe this serves as “proof-positive” that we could reduce health costs with more natural foods.

So as many of us in this country continue look for lower priced products, especially food, keep this in mind; it is a lower price because it is not real food!

Talk to ya later!

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2018 All Rights Reserved