The Grumpy Old Fart Customer

A very dear friend of mine shared a shopping story with me that made my customer-blood boil.  My friends’ mother, a very spry and active septuagenarian, still drives, shops and does most all of her household routines herself, including work in the garden.  She still handles all of her weekly shopping needs with no assistance and can spot a bargain a mile away.  But, like many folks her age, technology can be tricky, the younger generation seems to be completely in tune with all of the intricacies of shopping for technology items but for older folks not completely up to speed with complete information there can be some potholes in the road.  Shopping for tech items is not always cut and dried and you have to do some research.  All things being equal, shopping for a gallon of milk or even looking to buy a new car is not as difficult as it used to be, but technology can be a little quirky.

So, that brings me to the subject of this yarn—cell phone shopping.  My friends’ mother decided to buy a new cell phone for the first time in 10 years, she had relied on her husband’s phone and shared its usage.  Finally fed up with the constant bickering over who erased a text message or photo, she decided she needed her own device again.  After consultation with her daughter who is up to speed on all of the cell phone intricacies, mom set out to make her purchase.  She arrived at one of the better-known stores (a Bell creation), most of the experience was uneventful as my friend’s mother made her phone and plan selection.  Looked like this would be a successful store outing with no strings.

Not quite, just as the sale seemed complete and the only thing left to do was to put the phone in the traditional complimentary company bag, the young man behind the counter saw an opportunity for more income.  The sales associate then let friend’s mother know that she would have to buy a charger cable in order to charge her new phone. Now, I am no rocket-surgeon, but I remember that cell phones include the charging cable in the box with the phone.  Unfortunately, the spry septuagenarian was unaware of this and at the recommendation of the ambitious, money-hungry, young associate she bought a $25.00 charging cable.  My friend’s anger was palpable, I completely understood it and empathize with those who go through this constant abuse of customers.

However, before we condemn the young associate to the gallows, we must look at his corporate masters to fully understand why such a thing would happen.  The people who work behind these counters aren’t paid squat, they are incentivized to push accessories and the ubiquitous, useless extended warranty.  The only way store associates make money is by being a little pushy on items that are normally in addition to the sale of a cell phone.  This is once again the symptoms of a system that only works for the few at the top and leaves everyone at the bottom trying to con their fellow citizens out of the almighty dollar.  Still, I find it hard to imagine that it could be that easy to cheat someone especially of an elderly age, but hell there are thousands of them out there trying to do it by phone daily.

And why would the young associate try to sell his unwitting customer an unneeded power cable anyway, when there are several add-on products for cell phones?  Things like the protective cases, carrying pouches, belt cell phone holders, screen covers, USB car chargers and such.  With all of these options available, why would the associate opt to sell my friend’s mother an expensive cell charger that she doesn’t need?  It could be ignorance, as the associate may be new and has little experience and didn’t know what other options are available but is pressured to sell add-ons.  I, however, believe that it was easier to convince an unsuspecting customer that they needed something that was critical in the daily use of the phone, even though the cell phone package already included it.  I also believe that even though the corporate cretins who rule our world may not have encouraged this behavior, they do little to prevent it.

There seems to be a little bit of a movement to bring back union organizing in this country and I believe its time to start working on one for customers.  There has been some effort to form consumer organizations, though those efforts rarely have any teeth and seldom get anything done except in extreme cases such as pesticides but that usually requires illness or death to get action.  We need to form a customer-union where we can demand that we get at least reasonable quality in the products we buy and the service that we get.  It has just become the “new norm” as our politicians would have you believe that this is as good as it gets.  For piss sakes, if that is true please take me back to the old norm where customers had value and meaning.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2019 All Rights Reserved

Back to School Sales have existed for as long as there have been department/discount stores, even the more boutique stores caught on to this mass purchasing craze.  That shopping reveille call that brings people (mostly moms) out of their summer hammock slumber.  As a kid, the advertisements were depressing for me as it indicated that my summer of fun and frolic was coming to an end.  Summer is ending and those dreaded “get your ass up and go to school” mornings will soon begin.

The back to school sales tradition was the sales of notebooks, pencils, backpack and maybe even the latest lunch box adorned with your favorite superhero, cartoon character, real-life hero or television, and movies.  Some stores would include specials on clothing and my mom never missed the chance to score the “blue light special” that one of the major department stores used to promote items including clothes.  But the major focus was always on school supplies that you would need to compliment the books that you usually received in K-12 schooling.

While at my favorite store, you know, the one with the motto “save money, live longer” (or some shit like that), you quickly notice the store has a larger number of sale bins in the middle of the aisles and as you might expect tons of signs indicating back to school specials.  But as I moseyed through the store a peculiar display caught my eye, it not only indicated back-to-school sale but also skincare.  Now, just like everyone else in this world, I remember the teenage problems of acne, but this display had nothing to do with that issue.  This display had facial creams (not for acne), cleaning brushes, make-up brushes, and make-up removal products.  Then there were the upscale facial creams and masks that one would normally associate with, shall we say—the more mature group.

Now, maybe some of you will say “hey Grumpy what about college-age students?”, well, in my life I can never recall a time when these sales were targeted at adult age students.  As I remember it, most supplies for the college students are in campus bookstores.  Watch any of the TV ads that have been run throughout the years and you will only see the tikes displaying their new supplies with maybe a few high school students cameoed in the frame.  I cannot remember a skin tightening mask ever being sold at any of the back-to-school sales, Halloween maybe, but never for a 5^th grader at the beginning of the school year.  Facial brushes for a 4^th grader, maybe they should also sell the anti-grey coloring for hair, you see a lot of grey in grade school these days.   And makeup—seriously?

Ok, as I was writing this blog, I saw an ad for a back to college sale (damn computer cookies), but the concept of back-to-school has always been reserved for grades K-12.  It seems like we are forcing our kids to grow up way too fast these days.  Maybe it is a socio-economic side effect of these crazy-ass dystopic times we live in.  Seems like our lives are getting pretty stressed but do we really need to force our kids to grow up too fast.  There is enough pressure just trying to pass the math test, although it feels like we might be giving up on that concept these days.

Is this the same kind of mesmerizing that corporations have done for years at Christmas time when they run endless toy commercials to pressure the parents to go out and spend their paycheck?  Or maybe this is like the technocratic mind control executed through the constant ads for new media devices (cell phones and pads).  Has social media played a role in driving our innocent little 5^th grade boys and girls to live up to the latest pop-culture fashion and style?  Is this what they mean when they say we are losing our innocence?  Where is the fun of just being a kid and having mom and dad yelling at you for sneaking cookies or staying up too late?

Corporations in their never-ending quest to be opportunists have once again created a market where one never existed.  They use the latest pop artists or trend makers to market concepts to the young that used to be reserved for adults.  We are forcing our children to become hip/grown-up or face the fear of becoming a social pariah.  This pressure is needless in a situation where our children need all the education that they can get in order to face an uncertain future.  Instead, they are being molded into Corporate America’s crown jewels of marketing.  Makes me very sad.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

So, all of the hoopla, fanfare, shouting and whoop-whoops have ended, now the construction of the 5G network has begun, coming to a neighborhood near you soon.  And now, it won’t be long before we are all being x-rayed on a daily basis, bombarded by enough radiation to heat your favorite pizza rolls while they are in your pocket (Hey, I guess that would make them hot pockets! ha-ha).  I remember as a kid the ad in comic books selling x-ray glasses, well, now I don’t need them, I will be able to see through people anytime.  The idea of wearing tin hats will be in vogue again and chapeau designers all over the world are salivating at the chance to design the most stylish piece of tin foil.

But seriously folks, scientists around the globe have voiced their concerns about all of these powerful radio waves bombarding human beings and the consequences of that radiation browning us to a delectable crisp.  Many science-types fear cancer rates will go off the map in a way we have not seen since Chernobyl.  Whether they are right or not remains to be seen, although, in these kinds of matters my money is on them.  They have conducted many tests replicating the same kind of power that 5G will provide its users and most conclude that there are many legitimate health concerns.  But never fear, the latest gruesome, kill them all video game will download twice as fast as it used to.

Then, to add insult to injury, we discover that one of 5Gs biggest attributes will be to allow corporate dirt-bag marketers to put microchips in every product they sell you and then monitor their life from cradle-to-grave.  This better equips marketing twits to track your buying habits and sell you more product.  The power of the 5G will give them the ability to virtually track your purchases anywhere.  It reached a personnel level in my mind when one of the media types following these developments indicated that a microchip will be placed inside baby diapers to track usage.  Surely incontinence products, pads or even tampons can’t be far off.  Imagine folks, your most distressing moments in life are now being monitored by microchip.  Doesn’t this make marketing managers and executives voyeurs of sorts or even pervs?

Now, we clearly see the motive of the corporate bastards who view us as dollar symbols and have promoted the use of potentially dangerous levels of radio waves to further line their pockets with billions.  It seems like one of the most egregious and indignant ways of marketing products by tracking the use of our personal, disposable wear.  With total disregard of the warnings of scientific folks and the health risks involved, this new advanced form of electronic insanity will become the norm for customers.  Funny, I think we have heard this story before, oh yea, terrorism and the propping up of the billions for the corporate weapons manufacturers.

It isn’t bad enough that satellites watch our every move, computers, TVs and cell phones monitor our every thought and conversation but now we will have chips shoved up our asses.  It is a plot right out of a sixties spy movie, where an evil scientist has found a way to kill all of earth’s inhabitants but before eradicating them, he will sell everyone his products.  It seems as though there was little debate by our fearless politicians about the safety of this new generation of communications and its predatory capitalist capabilities.  They just did their usual dance of shut-up and take your campaign donation check.  Nary a word was uttered by any of our regulatory agencies or safety administrations in regard to the vulnerability of this new, nuclear strength communications technology.  In fact, our communications agency director assures us that it is safe, wasn’t he the same guy who assured us that net neutrality was not necessary to protect customers rights?

We know that it will not be long before cell phones are actually embedded in our heads.  Notification devices will be installed to notify you of the optimum time to have a bowel movement.  Cars already contain devices that know when you have taken your eyes off of the road, so hell, why not skip the middleman and have that device installed in your forehead as well.  And lest we not forget to have the device installed that tells you it is time to get off your lazy ass and move.  Until then we will have to settle for wearing diapers, both baby and adult with chips that let the world know when your next bowel movement is.  And with the cooking intensity of 5G, hopefully, that chip will contain a thermometer to let them know when you have reached the optimum cooking temperature.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

In the continuing saga of The Little Plane That Can’t Fly, our biggest aircraft manufacturer has issued a threat— “If we don’t get approval soon to let the airlines fly them, then we will stop building the aircraft”.  As if to say if you don’t give us our way, we are going to pack up our toys and go home.  This isn’t a simple matter of disagreement over what color we are going to paint our fucking living room.  This aircraft has killed 346 people in crashes caused by its instability while flying.  Many pilots have expressed grave concern over its design flaws and its control problems in trying to overcome the difficulties with flight dynamics software.

What I find completely appalling in all of this is the company CEO’s nonchalant way of taking the blame for the death of 346 people on two of his aircraft.  It is my very stern belief that he should be wearing an orange jumpsuit for the rest of his life.  According to many engineers (some no longer with the company), the CEO and many if not all of the officers of the company, had been told that the aircraft is not safe to fly.  It has been discovered and well documented that the U.S. aircraft manufacturers closest competitor was about to launch their new aircraft, which would serve the same markets as the plagued jet from America.  So, our brave executives did what greedy bastard corporations do—they cut corners to get their product to market first, while our regulators were seemingly on hiatus.

I am not going to bore you with the complete story of what is wrong with the airplane, other than to sum it up as—they tried to make a square peg fit in a round hole.  By installing an engine that was too large for the design of the aircraft they completely altered its center of gravity and wing aerodynamics.  They then tried to compensate for the bad flight characteristics that ensued by using flight software meant to automatically correct the dangerous pitch and attitude tendencies of the aircraft.  Let’s see—has software ever failed?  Can an incorrect input cause it to do the wrong thing?  We all know the answers to these questions.

Several years ago, I decided to get my private flying license.  In the process, I pursued not only my private ticket but also multi-engine and commercial instrument ratings.  I can still remember my first flight with an instructor as if it were yesterday.  Once I took the stick from him after rotating the aircraft off the ground, I was petrified, his first words to me were—whoa!  I had a death grip on the yolk and my hands were turning a muted shade of grey.  He quickly pointed out to me that once you trim out the aircraft you can literally fly it with just your fingertips.  I have since heard many pilots talk about how sweet it is flying the equipment that they are on, some even say their aircraft will virtually fly itself.

Well, the aircraft subject of this blog is anything but able to fly itself, in fact, it all most sounds like trying to fly a rotor-wing aircraft (helicopter) level at 400 MPH.  I have had the chance to try flying a helicopter, no easy feat, unlike a fixed-wing aircraft (airplane) a helicopter does not want to fly.  In fact, you have to almost wrestle it into submission and constantly give it input through the cyclic (stick) that is contrary to fixed-wing flying.  What is my point to all of this?  Simple really, why should your pilots have to be constantly wrestling with the aircraft that you are riding on to your next destination?  Why should you, the airline customer, have to be worried that the software on the aircraft will suddenly fail, plummeting you towards the ground like a lawn dart?  The company, its asshole executives and its appointed talking heads are trying desperately to convince we, the customers, that the problem is simply software and training.  I call bullshit!  When the designers, engineers, and technicians that build an aircraft tell you that it is unsafe to fly, even if you load it with software, social media, and video games, then I tend to believe them more than I do the greedy bastards who value money more than human lives.

As the company cries the blues about how much money it is losing daily, I personally could give a furry-rats-ass-less.  They cut corners trying to continually revamp an aircraft concept that was conceived in 1964, how pitiful is that?  Instead of designing something safer, more environmentally friendly, and maybe with an up-to-date appearance, a U.S. manufacturer shows just how inept, greedy and apathetic it has become.  Gone are the days when they lead the world with some pretty great aircraft.  Now, they have the blood of 346 human lives on their hands.  Sure, you can say 346 lives aren’t many in the grand scheme of things unless of course, they are your loved ones or—you.

I have been an airline customer to the tune of nearly 250,000 miles and feel very qualified to attach my opinion to this rather touchy and egregious subject.  Sure, there have been airline accidents in the past, some weather-related, some mechanical and a few pilot errors, even a couple where negligence was involved but rarely at least in recent memory have any been because of sheer greed and the disrespect of life in accumulating it.  As a fellow customer and your friend, I plead with you, even if this aircraft gets future approval, do not fly it!  We see this type of greed happening more frequently now and as citizens, humans and yes customers, the time has come to say—-ENOUGH!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

I know I have written about this issue before but today I have a glaring example of how the “Best When Used By” bullshit isn’t working.  In my ever-increasing effort to start eating healthier I am working towards consuming non-meat–meat products (I know, it doesn’t sound right), there is also an ulterior motive to my madness—the cruel way that asshole corporations grow the meat we eat.  So, two weeks ago I began purchasing some of the meat-replacement products (hereafter referred to as vegan-meat) that are out there (more about this later), one of the purchases was a meat crumble product (located in the freezer section of a regional supermarket).  Seemed like a good place to start.

Well, two weeks have passed since my purchase of the vegan-meat product and it was now time to give it a test.  I removed the package from my freezer and was in the process of opening it when I suddenly discovered that the “Best When Used By” date had passed over 8 weeks ago.  Stunned and angered I threw the package on the counter in disgust.  Initially, I was angered with myself as I always look at those dates before buying something, in fact, most of you will remember that I am the one who always pulls the product from the back of the shelve when shopping.  The store where I purchased the product was one of the regional stores in my area (fairly large chain, over 20 stores).

According to some of the literature available out there online, it is illegal to sell any food product that has passed it’s “Best When Used By” date, although it is ok if the package says “Best Until” or “Sell By”, I know, pretty damn confusing.  But you have legal rights (I guess) if the dated info printed on the package is “Best When Used By” and the date under that heading has expired.  Irrespective of which is worse or legal, the point is, large corporate and chain-owned stores continue to try and sell you product that is not at its peak best.  I guess it would be ok if this stuff were being sold at a clearance warehouse or at a swap meet where you are paying pennies for it and willing to take the risk.

In this situation, however, the customer is paying premium price (certainly in my situation) and should receive the best quality product.  I returned to the store where I had bought the vegan-meat and asked to see the manager.  After the manager arrived, I explained the situation, he acted shocked by what had occurred (maybe it is because he is a great actor), he then called an assistant and instructed him to put out an email memo, directing department managers to watch their stock.  He then very willingly exchanged the bad product for good. Bastard how dare he be so cooperative, ruined half of my blog. But seriously, how often is this shite happening and why does it take a grumpy-assed blog writer to set things right?

My possible solutions to this problem are making bags that explode at midnight of the expiration date or loaded with a voice that says, “product in this bag has passed its optimum freshness date please make a different selection”.  Or maybe radiation leakage alarms could sound, and crews of store employees can race out in their protective gear and masks to seize the questionable product out of your hands thus saving your ass from the contaminated product in the package.  I know, I know, we should just read the fucking package, but it can happen, a moment of distraction and you are on your way home with potentially bad food that some lazy ass store manager didn’t check when they were supposedly doing their job!  I am just saying that we deserve better as customers who are spending money which is getting very difficult to earn.  Even though the manager was very cooperative in this case, it was still a hassle and 20 minutes of my life that I will never get back.  Is it really so much to ask to get quality products as customers?

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Generally speaking, I am not a fan of any food that is identified as “instant”.  Usually what makes instant food instant is some form of chemicals that I usually cannot pronounce.  These chemicals generally include some form of preservative like the ones that can enable food to survive a nuclear war.  Instant foods are the everyday person version of “prepper”, as you can load your pantry to the top with the air free sealed packages that are only an inch thick.  You just pop them in the wave and 90 to120 seconds later you have chow.

I decided to try one of the instant foods, a microwaveable rice product available from those corporate chefs who lie awake at night dreaming up new, poisonous garbage for customers to buy.  The rice in the package was presented as the Basmati variety of which I am a big fan.  This is surely one of the more simple, easier to perfect instant foods as there is no mixture of ingredients or nothing of a complex nature.  It is bland rice that just needs to be heated and served, nothing too complex, how could it possibly get screwed up?

After heating the package for the required 90 seconds, I carefully opened it and was promptly greeted by an aroma that reminded me of a mildewed basement.  The moldy smell was so overwhelming that I instantly lost my appetite and threw the package into the trash can.  Out of curiosity, I began to wonder if this package of rice had somehow found its way onto a recall list.  Doing my online diligence, I discovered that there had been many recalls of this type of packaged rice and other varieties as well.  My particular stock number was not listed in the mix but that same company has had many recalls over the last 5 years.  Many of the recalled products were suspected to have been contaminated with salmonella that had somehow found its way into the packaging facility.  I have written about the packaging process in the past.

I have an idea for the rice companies to be able to completely avoid the recall hassle.  They should start a cross-marketing campaign with a laxative company, not only can you solve your hunger needs but also cure constipation.  Or maybe the rice companies could partner with one of the fad diet corporations, they could truly make the claim of being able to lose weight when you eat our diet food selection.  Maybe the U.S. could sell this product to its many enemies, it would certainly be a kinder, gentler form of chemical warfare.

I was not able to confirm that the rice contained mold, I can only go by my experience having confronted mold in other situations.  I would have to send the package into an independent lab but that would cost a lot of money and would probably expose myself to lawsuits or other legal actions.  If the smell of that cooked rice package is normal, then the company that markets it has a truly bizarre strategy of appealing to customers.  I can’t imagine anyone who would have found that smell appetizing.  I did check the use-by date by the way and it was well within their prescribed safety zone.

I know that I should completely avoid this processed food bull-shite altogether but sometimes the convenience factor overrides all forms of common sense.  We live in an instant society that we have crafted for ourselves, everything has to be right now, no waiting. We share in the guilt of this societal ill as we no longer allow for time to cook real food.  However, this does not absolve our government or the corporate bastards who run it, from their responsibility to the people to provide safe food products for their hard-earned dollars.  We are constantly told that we must be more vigilant and watch out for ourselves.  Ok, I don’t disagree with that theory, but we still have to rely on regulatory agencies to do their jobs.  The solution would be for everyone in the country to have a “living wage” and be able to afford fresh-grown food or maybe we start growing our own.

But the fact remains that the quality of food that we are buying today in these corporate brokerage traps continues to decline.  Whether it is the manufacturer or possibly the distribution system that is the culprit remains to be seen.  The customer is going to continue to be the victim, spending our hard-earned money on shite instead of quality.  One thing is for sure, as long as this trend continues, sewer workers will have job security.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

I have written about the beloved “Manager’s Specials” before, the hurry it out the door, sell it fast, food that is on the edge of being inedible.  The price is usually reduced by half, marked with a bright orange sticker, and the product is always moved to the front of the rack where it will be noticed first.  This concept has always cracked me up, “I am not going to pay $3.75 for this sandwich now, I will wait for it to be stale or near rotting then I will buy it for $1.85!”.

Today’s manager’s special is eggs, the alleged cage-free variety, not the ones where chickens are held in small prisons that they call cages but rather the ones that roam in a small warehouse with 10,000 other fowl inmates.  The cage-free eggs have an orange sticker that is promoting a $1.83 price rather than the $3.65 regular price.  Seems like a bargain, but there is something rather peculiar about this special.  When you look the egg carton over carefully you will notice that the sell date is today’s date.

This strikes me rather odd, the idea of the mangers special is to move inventory that is approaching the distressed level, before it becomes a complete loss of revenue and dumpster-diver material.  So, what are we saying here, the eggs are on the brink and all of them must be cooked and served today?  Should the cartoon include the following message—please serve today to avoid botulism?  Maybe their only hope of redemption is to be boiled today and turned into deviled eggs.

There is a twist to this story my friends.  My life partner, Christina, a lovely German woman, who has informed me on multiple occasions that we Americans are a little silly when it comes to the shelf life of eggs.  Here, we always have our eggs refrigerated and usually only keep them for a few weeks before we discard them.  We usually follow the use-by date very diligently as that information surely must be accurate where the freshness and health of our eggs are concerned.  In Europe, many do not refrigerate their eggs and generally keep them for up to 4 weeks in an unrefrigerated pantry.  Others keep their eggs for 6 weeks by refrigerating them.

Now, I know what you are saying, “Grumpy, they must be crazy over there across the pond”, well, my friends, the truth is they are not.  In Germany as well as most of Europe, eggs from America would be illegal to sell as they do not meet their requirements for “class A eggs”.  Why you ask, well here in America we have the nasty habit of over-washing everything that we bring to market (with the exception of vegetables, which we sell covered in pesticides).  I recently blogged about chickens in the U.S. being bathed in bleach before selling them.  While that may be acceptable for chicken carcasses (I highly doubt it), it is not for eggs.  When we wash eggs here before selling them, we are removing a protective coating that ensures that we do not allow condensation to penetrate the eggs which can promote mildew and bacterial growth.

During the washing process in the U.S., they also raise the inside temperature of the egg to over 90 degrees Fahrenheit which also aids in the removal of the protective coating on the surface of the eggshell.  This necessitates the need for refrigerating the egg to prevent condensation from penetrating the shell, which would explain why Europeans can leave their eggs in an unrefrigerated pantry (they still have the protective coating).  In some European markets, you will find eggs that have feathers or poop on them, for most that would be disgusting, for me it is a reminder of simpler times growing up when we got unpasteurized milk and eggs with poop on them.  However, since the unwashed eggs are resistant to mildew and bacteria, they are much safer than our washed variety.

Getting back to the managers discounted eggs, I am now more concerned than ever about buying them since we have washed away the protective coating and introduced greater risks to the eggs.  The older, discounted eggs are not a good idea especially since they are at the legal limit of the store selling period.  At this point, they have been subjected to the constant opening of the refrigerated case and may have experienced condensation. If there has been condensation on the unprotected eggshell, then there has likely been the absorption of mildew or bacteria.  Again, I must ask the question, why do corporations feel the need to poison customers in the name of profits?  Does the FDA really the right answers to health in our foods?  So, when asked–how do I want my eggs today? Simple—unwashed, covered in feathers and chicken shite.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Let me start by saying I am not a fan of the camouflaged (Camo) color scheme used on various products, clothes, devices even trucks.  But I respect the choices of others who may be a fan of this color scheme, after all, it is why cars come in different colors.  My color choices are just generally—colors.  But there are many out there who crave a design whose initial creation was meant to hide something, this segues nicely into my story.

I am a big fan of fishing and since we are back into the summer activities it was time to upgrade my tackle.  So, it is off to my favorite store, you know the one, they offer low prices every stinking, rotten day.  While browsing the sporting goods area, specifically the fishing aisles, I discovered a rod and reel combination that was on sale, located in a center aisle display.  It looked like a decent piece of fishing tackle with a rod that appeared to be fairly stout and a reliable reel attached to it. The price tag on the front of the display indicated that it was $19.99, and there were two different colors of rods in the display, black, and camo.  The price seemed a little low to me for that combo and I thought I might ask an associate to double check it.

After finding an associate (no easy feat these days) I asked him to verify the price for me.  He used his cell phone to scan the price tag (figures, we don’t use them for calls anymore) of the rod and reel combination that came in black and confirmed the $19.99 price.  Then he also scanned the same rod and reel combo that came in the camo color scheme.  To my somewhat stunned amazement, the camo version was $34.99, almost twice the cost of the flat black model that I was interested in.  Upon further investigation, we discovered a second price tag on the back of the aisle display that confirmed the $34.99 price.

Ok, let me get this straight, the same rod and reel in two different color schemes have two separate prices, with the camouflaged color costing almost twice as much as a single colored rod?  So, it costs nearly twice as much to paint or coat a fishing rod in camo coloring?  Or, could it be that the camo coloring is more popular in my neck-of-the-woods?  I am opting for the latter here, and knowing corporate America as I do, I believe that this is another scheme to mark up a product that is more popular in the name of profits.

Let’s visit the facts here, the rod is identical, the reel is also identical, the only difference is the coloring, smell a corporate rat yet?  So, these customers are being screwed by profiteers who are taking advantage of preference with no regard to value or benefit.  Then there is the display, the price tag facing forward towards the front of the store has a price of $19.99, this is the side that will be viewed most as customers are going from the front of the store towards the rear.  The rear-facing price tag on the display is $34.99 and will not be seen by as many customers.  And even if it is, the rod and reels are all mixed in the display, how the hell can you tell the difference without having a store associate check it before you check out?

However subtle this situation may seem to some, to me it is just another way of these companies trying to bait and switch customers in a manner that is less obvious.  They will gamble that the sticker shock that will happen at the cash register will not dissuade the camo-preferring-customer to take the item back.  If they do refuse it then it slows down the damn checkout aisle, the one that I usually pick of course—arse holes!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

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As you get older and enter into the final phase of life, you know, the last 30 years (he says with great optimism and extreme hope), you discover that your diet is becoming a source of great discomfort, especially at bedtime.  Many of the foods that you used to love, have now turned on you like mutinous sailors on a doomed ship.  The occurrence of heartburn is now an everyday thing as regular as all of your other bodily functions.  You must now find a pill that will help you get through these rough seas (sorry about all of the metaphorical rambling here, just trying to put a pretty face on a gastrointestinal nightmare).

So, it’s off to your favorite mega-store, mine, of course, is the store that promises “everyday low prices”.  Once you locate the toiletries and meds department, you then have to search for the isle and shelve that contains your miracle relief.  Once you find the right aisle with the antacids, you stand in front of a shelve that must have at least 200 different over-the-counter remedies for acid indigestion.  Seriously, who knew that such a common issue for those of us who are swiftly approaching dotage land, could have so many options of a solution?

After trying to read every brand and bottle on the shelf I am left bewildered, without a clue as to which one of these corporate pharmaceutical wonders will help me regain my digestive dignity.  Remember back in the day when you were shopping for the right parts for your car (i.e. windshield wipers or oil)?  Indeed, there were 100’s of options but there was always a little book that hung from the shelve that could help you find the right option that best fit your autos needs.  In the case of windshield wipers, there were always model numbers, year of manufacture and number of doors on the car.  For things like batteries, there was also the engine size and number of cold cranking amps that you needed (in states with winter months).

Why can’t they do the same thing for all of these antacid choices?  You know, a book hanging from the shelf that lists your age, height, weight, hair color and sex.  Maybe what kind of foods you ate last night, what did you drink, what time did you go to bed or maybe even what television program you watched before going to bed?  After you find the med that has the check marks next to all of your qualifiers then you have found the best option to treat the four-alarm fire that is happening in your gastrointestinal compartment.   Without this method, you are simply guessing and having to do trial and error which could end in many sleepless nights while trying to find the answer.

Maybe they could provide a sliding scale that ranges from a 1 to a 10 in terms of discomfort.  The number one represents a slight burning discomfort accompanied by the occasional belch, a ten being a raging fire that includes gas that will chase your loved one to the sofa for the night.  The scale could be color coded with red being the obviously most distressed level.  Maybe you could have audio ratings with a speaker below each choice, with belch noises that range from mild to room clearing obnoxious as the indicator of the level of indigestion that you are hoping to treat.  There is the option of breathalyzer that you could belch into and it would give a readout with the proper recommendation.

All of this may sound absurd but online research offers nothing as the disclaimer always reads “results may vary per individual needs”, no freaking kidding.  It becomes a matter of trying various brands until you stumble upon the right formula and get relief.  Just seems like there ought to be an easier way to solve this issue.  Meanwhile—pardon my belch!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Well, its vacation time again and I am getting psyched up and stocked up for that time of year where after fighting traffic, insane road rage and just plain crazy people to get to our vacation haven, you relax for one week.  But before heading out we must stock up on the necessary supplies that make your vacation enjoyable if not totally survivable.  So, it’s off to the store with “Everyday Low Prices” and smiley faces to find the best bargains for our vacation supplies.  As usual, I have on my own smiley face (sarcasm).

As I enter the store I am once again greeted by the enormous displays that look like retail mountains obstructing your path and making it impossible to enter the place without being molested by a sales pitch.  Today’s special—fizzy cocktails.  There is this craze in America today where we don’t want to be perceived as drinking alcohol or we simply don’t like the taste of it.  So, every type of booze is now mixed in fruity or super sweet juices and “sparkling water”.  The displays at my store have tropical palm trees on the display box and mermaids all over the cans of this alcoholic treat.  Mermaids?  Is this shit seafood flavored?  Or maybe it is a testament to the fact that water is mixed with alcohol and sold at a high price?

There are many other displays especially near the alcohol aisle of the store that has different brands, including some of the better-known varieties of alcohol who have joined in the frenzy of bringing booze to the candy craving yutes (youths, your honor!).  Maybe it is an image thing, we don’t want to be perceived as drinking liquor.  That might conjure up the image of old uncle Joe, who was “in the bag” and passed out on the sofa at Christmas gatherings.  So, we put alcohol in cans or soda-like bottles preserving some form of innocence or maybe cool.  Perhaps it’s a perfect disguise to drink in public, you know, incognito.

I have noticed that all commercials involving alcohol are now about image, it is the coolest guy on earth or the woman who is covered with tattoos sitting on a beach looking like a voodoo priestess and then there are the women in the elderly care center drinking the latest trendy juiced alcohol (what the hell is that about?).   Many of these sugary, alcohol delights have become trendy and are all the whisper at rave parties and in the pop culture world of America.  Online trending is becoming commonplace with these disguised cocktails that resemble some form of sugary fruity juice enjoyed by kids everywhere.

Then there is the idea of covering up the taste of alcohol with a sugary syrup making it more palatable, you don’t have to taste the alcohol to get the buzz!   There is a beer out there where they literally stuff 4 pieces of lemon in the neck of the bottle before drinking it, looks more like a fruit salad than a beer.  Seriously?  If the beer really tastes that bad, then why not change to a different type of beer?  When I want lemonade, I drink lemonade, when I want beer, I drink beer, seems simple.  If you have to cover something up to be able to consume it, might be time to change to something else.  When was the last time you’ve seen someone put mint in pot before smoking it?

Back to the packaging, does it really make an alcohol drink taste better if there are tropical or exotic designs on the packaging?  After drinking it are you really whisked off to a land of warm ocean breezes where a reggae singer is fanning your hammock and serenading you into paradise?  Once again, we see where the marketing wizards find a way to sell a mirage through packaging.

And what about children, some of these package designs are borderline cartoon images that capture the attention of little ones, often times with very colorful displays.  I remember the tobacco industry being under-fire back in the day for trying to encourage underaged smoking through their marketing efforts.  It occurs to me that these colorful, sugary displays and advertisement could possibly leave a lasting image in young minds.  While this may not be intentional it could still produce the same effect as other marketing programs—attraction.

But seriously folks if you want the cover-up the cocktail taste that makes your face twist into a contorted state, just buy a bottle of booze and one of the many sugar-laden juices out there and mix them.  Then go to your nearest superstore and buy a brilliantly colored plastic container complete with its own plastic straw and sea horses printed on it and voila you have your own incognito cocktail!   And for less than half the cost per drink!  Whatever happened to just having a cocktail?

Talk Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved