The Grumpy Old Fart Customer

Walk into any one of your favorite stores or supercenters and you will notice that plastic surrounds you.  Starting with the signs that greet you, the displays in the middle of the aisle, hell, even the shopping carts are plastic now!   Everywhere you look there is plastic in one form or another, there is no escaping it.  We have become so desensitized to it that we no longer realize just how prevalent it is in our society.

Recent news reports have shown images of floating plastic in our oceans that are the size of small islands.  In fact, one particular pile of plastic floating in the Pacific Ocean is over twice the size of the state of Texas.  I don’t know if most people realize this or not but there are several plastic products that cannot be recycled.  These pieces will never breakdown and will be hanging around or floating forever!

It has become a normal practice of the U.S. to ship our recyclable waste to other countries, especially China.  But now China has closed its doors to our plastic garbage, and we are left looking for illegal smuggling operations in other countries to lighten our load.  Most recently, Malaysia has been the target of illegal dumping for the U.S., however, they have had their fill and are now shipping it back.  Freaking hilarious, our plastic chickens are coming home to roost!

On the not so funny side, we have no known alternatives to this crisis.  If we do not curb our appetite for products packaged in plastic, we will destroy our ecosystem and choke ourselves to death on this form of waste.  Corporations and their fat-cat executives are not about to look for alternatives because of the increase in costs and the potential reduction in profits.  They remain unaffected by this problem as gated communities are rarely affected by piles of plastics.  Unless of course, you count plastic surgery.

We, the customers are also guilty of this problem.  Each morning you start off your day with a glass of orange juice poured into your plastic cup and then you throw away the plastic jug it came in.  Now, many of you believe that you are doing good when you throw the container into the recycle bin.  Not so, as I earlier mentioned there is virtually nowhere for this waste to go as everyone treats it like a hot potato that no one wants in their hands.  We are literally drowning in this waste.

On the next trip to your store seriously take a look and ask yourself if there are any plastic products that you can find alternatives to.  There are some, glasses, straws, plates, every little bit will help.  I know that food packaging is a tough one as there are not many of our packaged delights that come in glass or other containers.  We have recently purchased steel straws and take them with us when we go out to eat (more on this later).  Any little thing you can do will help; it may not seem like much, but it can make a difference.

I can hear my critics say that they “do not believe that this problem exists”.  Of course, they don’t, these piles of plastic end up in the poor neighborhoods of poor countries.  Once it leaves our driveway it is no longer our problem.  We need to lose this attitude of “I don’t give a furry rats ass” and start caring and start taking part in demanding more from our corporations and our government.  For as sure as everyone farts, all of our chickens will come home to roost, and it will not just be the plastic ones.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

I was watching some local evening news when they began showing video from the recent outbreak of tornadoes that have plagued the region.  During one of the videos that they showed, I realized that there are a host of new morons who chase these storms.  Storm chasers used to be limited to scientists, meteorologists and university professors all of which hope to collect useful data to help better understand the storms and hopefully save lives.  But today, if you own a car, a video camera, a GPS and not a lick of sense then you are a “Storm Chaser”.  Even the local television weather people have started chasing storms.

I decided to go find some videos that would help explain this craze.  Some of these people have been doing this for a while and try to catch footage to broadcast on the web’s most popular video channel and receive pay for advertising.  The newest of the bunch is the jackass generation of idiot thrill seekers who try to get as close as they can to the base of the cyclone without getting killed.

During one of the videos, you would have sworn that the husband and wife team were having sex as the constant “oh my god” and moaning sounded like they were having an orgasm.  Then there was this complete moron who was watching an apparent tornado form and he is trying to lure the funnel down by screaming “come on baby drop”, I wasn’t sure if I was watching a storm video or the birth of his first child.  And then, there is this, one of my favorites, this guy spots the tornado and yells “what a beautiful tornado!”.  Do these imbeciles not realize that tornadoes are responsible for several deaths each year?

As a customer of local news broadcasts, it is even more irritating now as they have to send out one of their faux meteorologists to chase a potential twister.  Recently during an outbreak of storms, I tuned in to a local channel and all throughout the broadcast the in-studio reporter weather person remarked numerous times that “they have to make sure that their colleagues are safe”.  I’ve got an idea; keep their happy asses in the f—— studio!  There are already enough goofballs running around trying to get close to a storm and running into each other.  In fact, two storm chasers were killed last year when they t-boned another car, if the storm doesn’t get you, the traffic will.

It just seems insane to me that so many people try to themselves in the path of something that we are warned is coming and is dangerous.  I guess we have run out of reasonable hobbies and sense.

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The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Normally, I am not one for the “sport” of horse racing, in fact, I am an animal lover and advocate for the prevention of cruelty to animals.  But one particular horse race really caught my attention and I believe that it was one for the ages.  It was the second leg of the “Triple Crown”, obviously there are three of these races.  The first of these races happens in Louisville, Kentucky with other two happening in cities that are lot lesser known.  It is obviously a big deal for the rich and famous to dress up, drink fancy cocktails and watch an adult man beat a horse with a leather whip around a track—sound like a blast!

Normally, I would not give this thing two minutes of my time, however, someone pointed out that I must watch the video of this race (the race had already been run).  Upon viewing the video, I discovered that this race indeed offered something that I would very much enjoy.  As the horses left the starting gate one of the jockeys was bucked completely off of his mount.  This left the horse running on its own and me cheering for it like I had a million dollars on him.  To mine and everyone else’s surprise the jockey less horse actually made a race out of it.

Although towards the end of the race, the solo horse began to fade, probably from the lack of having his ass smacked by a crazed little man with a leather whip (jeezo, sounds like a porn movie).  The race ended with my horse finishing second to last but first in my heart.   Many people try to defend this so-called sport by explaining that the horses are pampered and live a luxurious lifestyle.  Really?  You try putting a 110lb dickhead on your back, then run in muddy looking clay as fast as you can for a mile and a half, the whole time being smacked in the ass by a piece of leather. Then tell me how great your life is.  Ok, some of you out there may enjoy that kind of thing, but please keep it to yourself.

The ultimate, greatest horse race, at least for me, would be the horses simultaneously bucking off all of the jockeys at the starting gate.  The horses would then run a glorious victory lap culminating with a turn towards an open gate and escaping to freedom.  Or an even better race would be the horses riding on the jockeys backs for a mile and a half, now that’s entertainment.  I don’t pretend to understand the fascination that people have with animal abuse as sport, cockfighting, dog fighting or horse racing.  But there sure are a lot of them out there, to me it is another excess of rich assholes who seemingly can’t find something better to do with their time or obnoxious wealth, with the possible exception of buying their kids way into expensive universities.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

In the latest of what can surely be categorized as a WTF? moment, we now have edible meat grown in a laboratory.  Now, I am told not to panic as this new laboratory created miracle is actually healthier for me than real meat (especially beef).  Yea, sure, but they said the same thing about artificial sweeteners, didn’t they?   Those of you who are old enough might remember that they once said that cigarettes were healthy. No, really, they did!

Don’t get me wrong here, I am for anything that will stop these corporate bastards from raising animals in an inhumane manner.  And the pollution being released by the corporate owned farms are helping drive us to near extinction.  Certainly, if the healthy aspect of this lab experiment gone-right holds up, then absolutely, this in vitro delight might be worthy of the early praise that it is receiving.  Recent reports have said that the “new meat” has not yet received the blessing of our designated food gods, so a little patience is needed.

I remember when the plant-based meat replacement products made their debut (I am still waiting to be impressed).  I have yet to find any of those products that truly taste like meat of any variety.  As a teenager, I spent a couple of years working summer jobs sweeping out barges on the Mississippi River.  Many of these barges contained soybeans in them that had gotten wet and rotted.   Let me tell you straight up, once you have smelled rotting soybeans you will never forget it, the stench is very unique.  One of the side effects of this experience was that I could walk into any burger joint and tell you if they were selling soy-burgers or not (you probably remember that, a lot of places sold them).

I guess that nightmarish experience lives within me as I cannot do any of the soy-based meat product to this day.  I know, that as a liberal type of a person it is tough to admit that I love beef, pork, and chicken, but the truth is—I do!  I guess because I grew up eating actual meat, I developed the love for it, and I would have a difficult time becoming a vegetarian.  In recent years, however, I am thinking about it more, as the development of corporate farms has shed a new light what animal cruelty is.  Chickens are stuffed into cages that are so small that if let out of them, they cannot walk or stand.  Cattle are being herded into pens where they barely have enough room to move one inch in either direction.  I guess this is another consequence of our gluttony.

Meanwhile, back to this test-tube meat, I have some very serious reservations about this experiment.  Things that are artificially developed, especially food can take several years to expose bad side effects or issues.  And, how do I know that they didn’t get my piece of steak mixed up with a cloned sheep or worse a replacement human organ?  Probably not much difference in the taste—just saying.  Will we eventually be able to buy a kit similar to an “Easy Bake Oven” or a “Skilcraft Chemistry Set” and make our own artificial meat product?  Or maybe it can be done under a black light with your cannabis (for those of you who do that kind of thing).

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

It has always been my belief that as a taxpayer you are in essence a customer. I believe this because the taxes that you pay are for services that include protection and other essential needs.  Anytime that you pay someone for product/services you are a customer and that entitles you the right to question the quality or lack of service that you receive.

So, I live in a smaller community (16,000 people approximately).  We do have a fair number of amenities, stores, banks, medical services and so on.  But there is still somewhat of a small town feel to this place.  The roads are kept in decent shape, we have fire and police service, although there are constant discussions about the lack of funding for adequate staffing of the police force.  In the one newspaper that we have left in the area, there was an article that brought to light the fact that our police station is woefully understaffed.

I have to believe that first responders should always be pretty high on the priority scale as their services are pretty critical. However, we do have an animal control person, although that individual rarely leaves their house (maybe twice a week), that is a blog for another day.  But here is one of our city services that will blow your mind–it is a street sweeper—you heard me right, a street sweeper.  Once a month this noisy, lumbering, over-sized vacuum cleaner (it is huge) traverses our neighborhoods in search of the dropped cigarette butt.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in keeping our city clean, however, I think a town of this size does not need a New York City-sized street cleaner.

Here’s what really blows my gasket, this street sweeper has to be fairly expensive to operate, maintain and staff.  Remember, we have been told that we cannot afford adequate police/fire protection staffing on our current tax base.  Our streets are becoming less safe, but holy shit they look good.  Why they are so clean that you could eat off of them (you won’t ever catch me doing it).  It makes me wonder, who the hell sets the priorities of this city?  I guess the next person of priority is the one who goes around cleaning the lamps on the streetlights.

I could see having a smaller sweeper working the streets of the city proper, but the neighborhoods can surely self-maintain themselves.  If there is a nail or rubbish on your streets for crying out loud pick it up yourself.  Possibly, the city could hire a service to come around every 6 months or so (especially, in the neighborhoods), to sweep things up which might be easier on our budget and would open up more funding for emergency personnel.

I believe the biggest problem in this situation is the lack of accountability and those who report it, I mentioned earlier that there is only one newspaper in the county.  This county newspaper has to cover eight cities and numerous unincorporated small communities.  It is owned by one of the largest corporate media companies in the flyover territory.  The papers budget has been slashed over the last few years and its content reduced to just a few pages per daily publication.  So there really isn’t a true news desk dedicated to our town.

Obviously, newspapers are becoming dinosaurs but in their place is a massive growth of web-based reporting sites.  Maybe it is time to build a non-profit webpage and hire a few young journalists to pound the pavement and get some answers.   The funny thing about all of this is that our town serves as the county seat, yet we do not get as much reporting as many of the other towns in our county.  Without someone watching, bad politics and reckless spending can run amuck in any town regardless of its size or population.

So many questions need to be answered, do we really need our streets vacuumed or do we need safer streets?  Makes you wonder, are there other pork barrel projects in our city politics that may be hidden from the public view?  In the meantime, we are a candidate for the coveted “Cleanest Streets in America” award!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @ 2019 All Rights Reserved

I know that I have written before about the hassles of people using cell phones while driving and while shopping.  But I witnessed something this weekend that brought it to a new level of low.  Probably 80% of those who were shopping this weekend at the store that offers “Every day Low Prices”, had their cell phones pasted to their faces.  It is almost as if these people have become mesmerized or hypnotized by these devices and cannot put them down long enough to shop.  I dread to think of what the trip to the restroom must be like, though I have imagined some pretty hilarious scenarios.

I have wondered what is happening on these devices that now provide life support for so many, is it texting, apps or social media?  Is it movies that many people watch on cell phones or sporting events (which themselves are an addiction to some)?  I guess it could be the stock ticker or the latest happening with the Kardashians.  Maybe it fills a void of the boredom that we now have with life.  But does it really matter what is on that cell phone or just the fact that people can’t live without them?  Mystery solved; cell phones have become as important as the air that these people breathe.

It is hard to imagine a life where you can’t put something down long enough to go accomplish a task.  Even people who are on oxygen machines occasionally take off the mask.  Many people like to characterize this inability to put a device away long enough to shop as multitasking, I believe that is giving them way too much credit.  There is an obsession with this device, unlike anything that I have ever seen.  It dwarfs the likes of “Beanie Babies” or “Cabbage Patch Dolls”, and I thought those things were ridiculous.

Cell phones have become an addiction, if you took them away from the public there would be a mass withdrawal syndrome that would set in.  We often hear about potential attacks on the U.S. power grid or water systems in order to bring this nation down.  I posit that if the cell towers and system were taken down, most Americans would lose their minds.  Panic would set in, unlike anything that we have ever seen in this nation.  We would be totally vulnerable and helpless without our cell phones, makes me wonder how the wagons westward ever made their journey.

We worry about opioid addiction (and rightfully so), as there is a horrible danger with that problem, but I have to tell you that our addiction to these communication devices could become equally as dangerous.  With the creation of the new 5G networks, many medical professionals believe that we could see an increase in cancers attributed to the use of cell phones.  On a lighter note, I would just like to walk up to one of these people and ask; “hey does that thing make calls too”.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Before you get all revved up here and ready to argue politics with ole Grumpy, sorry to disappoint you but this about something completely different.  This blog is in regard to sports, not political commentators, sorry about that.  So, I am a casual hockey fan, by that I mean I am not a regular follower of the sport.  However, at playoff time I like to watch some of the games as they get pretty intense (same thing with college basketball’s NCAA Tournament).  I don’t really have a team per se, so I really don’t get too emotionally involved in this.

However, I did discover something very interesting, some commentators are very partial to one team over the other.  Now, I had always believed that sports announcers on the major networks were supposed to be impartial.  Announcers on a city or regional stations are of course partial as it usually is their city represented in a game or match.  But the major networks such as NBC Sports (who is the subject of this discussion) should surely be unbiased as they broadcast every team per year nationally.  Since they broadcast nationally and a different team every week then there should be no bias.  I thought it was a written rule—maybe not.

Let me also point out that when you are watching any programming or streaming media, you are the customer.  Whether it is advertised/sponsored media or premium (fee paid) media, you are the customer because you are either paying for the service or enduring the painful, seeming endless parade of ads.  So, you are well within your right to demand a quality product.  This is true of any programming, movies news or other types of programs if I turn something on the TV, I expect to be entertained and good quality.

So, now that I have defined this, I turned on a playoff game between the St. Louis Blues and the Dallas Stars.  This was game seven of their playoff series and had the potential to be a barnburner.  The game lived up to its potential going two over-time periods before being decided on a goal by the Blues.  It certainly proved my theory of playoff hockey being fun to watch.  I almost felt as tired as those players had to be as they played a full game and a half, not to mention that their season seems to go on forever.

From the beginning of this game until the end it seemed as though both announcers were Dallas Stars fans, as they spent more than two-thirds of the contest talking about them.  It was as if the Blues were just kind of there for the sake of being on TV.  At one point in the game (to be specific, the 3^rd period for those of you who watched the game) the Blues were having target practice at the expense of the Stars goaltender (Ironically a St. Louis native) and his teammates were almost a no-show.

Yet, if you were listening to the play-by-play guys, when Dallas Stars player suddenly touched the puck during this Blues onslaught, it was noted as if it was one of the plays of the game.  Throughout that whole barrage of shots, they did recognize the goalie (rightfully so) but also how great the Dallas Stars defense was in preventing a goal.  Really?  Most of the game was spent in the Stars defensive zone, I’m no expert here but wouldn’t that indicate that the St. Louis Blues had outplayed them?

The play-by-play announcers were not the only biased ones on the broadcast, during each of the four intermissions of the game there were 3 “expert analysts” who did nothing but praise the Dallas Stars.  I guess the Blues were not good enough to be in this series, maybe someone miscounted their goal totals (you know, the new math) or the Russian trolls colluded with the referees on the Blues behalf.  Robert Mueller will be appointed to investigate this to determine if indictments should be handed out, the Orange POTUS says, “it’s a witch-hunt!”

I was embarrassed for these guys, no matter what facet of the game they were talking about it always concluded with the question of which Dallas Stars player would step up and be the hero.  As it turns out, it was none of them.  In all fairness here, the Dallas goaltender, a man by the name of Ben Bishop was spectacular in goal, this is a fact.  The St. Louis Blues were relentless, seemingly on the attack throughout the whole game and completely dominated play.   But all throughout the contest the NBC Sports guys could only name a Stars player as the player that they were watching to step it up.

Maybe it is because St. Louis is a midwestern, fly-over city or as it once was referred to as a “cow-town” during a baseball playoff series in the 1990s.  Obviously, the city and its people are not respected by these New York snob announcers.  The St. Louis Blues customers should be furious with NBC Sports, I know I am.   I would love to see the St. Louis Blues win the Stanley Cup, then listen to these biased talking heads tell us how the other teams just didn’t play well.

Talk to Ya Later

Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All rights Reserved

For those of you who have not read the book 1984, let me tell you straight up—it is scary.  A world where your every move is being watched and recorded, every face is known to the government.  Your every move recorded in a book that could be used against you at any time.  You have no privacy what-so-ever, your life is known to all.

Hey, wait a freaking minute—we live in that world!  It has been expanded to our phones, televisions and even our cars!  Satellites have taken better photos of you than your friends and relatives have, in fact, they have a family album.  You don’t have to write a book about your life story the government already has it, in words and pictures.  If you forget where you went yesterday just give the government a call and they can bring you up to speed.

Where I am going with this?  The next time you go to your favorite shopping facility take a good look around you, chances are every 6 feet there is a camera following your every move.  Whatever you do don’t pick your nose or fix that wedgie in your ass because it will be footage on social media site or shown at the next company Christmas party.  If you try to sneak a look at a smoking-hot woman while your wife is distracted by all the bargains, they will have documented evidence of it.

Recently, while at my favorite corporate behemoth discount store (you know—the one with “everyday cheap prices), I noticed all the cameras watching my every move.  I get the reason for all of this video action, theft in stores is ever-increasing because people are without jobs or working very low pay jobs.  The video of shoplifting or other types of theft are often used as evidence to convict a perp and with the technology today they can clearly see you.  Some of these dingbats look right at the cameras and seal their fate.

Meanwhile, back to my shopping trip.  Have you ever noticed that you can never find a store associate around to ask questions regarding where something is in the store?  In order to find help, you often have to walk around the store until you find someone.  Here is the part that really chokes my chicken, with all of these cameras around doesn’t someone notice that you can’t find something or that you are searching high and low with no luck.  In the past, when store associates were friendly and available, they would notice that you were looking for something based on facial expressions and actions.

I am being watched by the store security folks through these cameras from the moment that I enter their parking to the moment that I check out.  My every movement is being documented like an episode of cops.  These cameras are touted as being high-definition and able to spot a pimple on the ass of a fly, but they can’t see that you are painstakingly looking for something with no success?  At one point in my search for a particular product in the meat department, I literally shrugged my shoulders and put my hands in the air.  Believing that any moment I would hear the store intercom system ask for someone to head to the department that I was in and offer me assistance, I stood there with a puzzled expression.  No luck, no announcement, no one came to offer assistance.

Now, just try putting one item in your pocket as if you going to purloin it while those cameras are watching you and security folks will be on your arse like bees out of an angry hive.  Maybe as they are putting the cuffs on you, you can ask “hey, by the way, do you know where the Braunschweiger is?  It just seems a little aggravating to me that lower pay, work hours and lack of decent treatment has reduced the associates available to help customers.  You would think that stores could have a customer service associate monitor the cameras for shopper confusion or inconvenience since they already have security people watching them.

It is just a never-ending thing with the death of customer service.  Robots, cameras and automated service will soon replace the human experience.  If you have not seen the movie Idiocracy, I highly recommend that you do.

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

So, when you are shopping do you buy the name brand or the generic?  For me, it really depends on what the product is.  For example; paper towels, most of them can generally sop up the liquids you spill and since I rarely use them to pick up a bowling ball (as shown in name brand advertisements) the plain label variety works for me.  Foods are generally a non-issue as we are striving to exclude pre-processed foods from our diet.  If I am buying bleach, then the plain label generic is adequate.  Besides, is the name brand really that much better?  Bleach is fundamental chemistry.

However, there is one product that I strictly buy name brand—freezer bags.  When you are freezing foods, especially any meat products, you want the top of the line quality.  So, I buy the top-rated freezer bag (you can guess which one by the title of the blog).  This brand has all the latest gizmos, you know, when you close the bag the seal changes colors and this variety can pick up a bowling ball (I just can’t seem to get away from it).  The name brand boasts of its extensive testing and quality.

After finishing our weekly shopping spree, one of my chores is to unwrap any meat product and prepare it for the freezer.  Of course, I use a freezer bag to ensure that there is no leaking of air which can spoil your procured quarry.   I always follow proper handling instructions of course (ok, sometimes I cheat on that a little).  So, after separating the pieces of meat, I opened a box of the heavy-duty freezer bags known for their “toughness”.  As went to unzip the first bag and load it, it tore the entire zipping mechanism completely off the bag.  Hmm, well I guess there can be one bad bag in the batch.

So, I tried the next one which ended with the same results.  Third time is a charm, right?  No, not so much, another bag, another torn off zipper (I feel a male pants joke coming on here), this was getting monotonous.  I carefully checked the box for signs of being cut by those who, “carefully” open stock in the back of the store, no marks visible.  I tried several different bags randomly throughout the box and the results were consistently the same—pure shite.  Well, this is completely useless, unless I can just use clothespins to seal the bags.

I realize that sometimes you can get a bad product, but I wonder how many of these boxes of bad bags were sold to the public.  Didn’t someone on the production line notice that these bags were defective?  I write this because it seems like these situations are increasing with all products.  I know that most stores will exchange the product but isn’t your time worth something?  In addition to exchanging the bad product for good, shouldn’t they also give you gas money and maybe a voucher to a spa for the stress created by this piss poor product?  Just saying!

Talk to Ya Later

The Grumpy Old Fart Customer @2019 All Rights Reserved

Typically, I do not publish business names here, usually, the clues that I offer clearly identify the company written about on my blog.  In this case, however, I am going to identify the company and the shitty experience that I had as a customer.  I have every right as a customer to write a review about any experience that I have as a customer, be it good or be it bad.  The name will not be changed to protect the guilty! Excerpts from this blog will be published on Yelp! And Travelocity.

My son and I took a fishing trip to Gulf Shores Alabama, a cool little city (maybe a little touristy), that has a certain element of fun and decent beaches.  The fishing there both offshore and fresh water is usually pretty good, and the seafood restaurants are generally excellent.  The region where Gulf Shores is located is commonly referred to as “The Redneck Riviera”, a name that has endured throughout several generations, though not used as often in this PC society of ours.

Unfortunately, at the time of our visit, storms had ravaged the area and fishing was not particularly great.  However, there was a silver lining here, as our back-up plan included adult beverages, seafood, and the beach!  My motto is; “never let a crisis spoil your fun”.  While our trip had taken a different direction, my new goal turned to finding the best oysters on the half-shell.  I know what you are thinking, “yuck, how can you eat those things”, it’s an acquired taste, usually accomplished with the help of hot sauce and horseradish.  Oh, and lest I forget the “shooters”, an incredible shot glass of oyster, vodka, hot sauce, and heaven.

So, this left us with the chore of deciding where to go for the best oysters. It must be noted that we were close to Oyster Bay, Alabama, which is known for some of the best wild and farm-grown oysters anywhere.  So surely there are some places with good, fresh oysters on their menus.  After some research, we found several local restaurants that offered oysters on their menu.  However, during the search, I discovered that there was an Acme Oyster House in Gulf Shores.  I have been to the Acme Oyster restaurants in New Orleans and found them to have excellent oysters and service, you always go with a product/service that is a proven winner—right?

So, we used a ride service to go the 3 miles to the restaurant, as you should anytime that you are going to imbibe (drink alcohol).  When we arrived, we found that the establishment was busy, not unusual for a Friday night.  We went up to the host station and put our name in for a table and were told that it would probably be about a half hour till we would be seated.  No problem let’s check out the bar.  The bar was a fairly large, three rail, pub-style configuration with approximately 15-20 people seated at it and no available spots at that moment.  That changed kind of quickly as a couple was apparently notified of their table’s availability.  So, my son and I quickly snared the two available spots and sat for a much-anticipated cocktail.

I was surprised to find that there was only one bartender, an older lady (probably my age) and she was obviously over-stretched with the volume of business sitting there.  After several minutes, the bartender finally got to us and we made our drink selection.  We had noticed on the specials sign out front that they had grilled oysters listed.  I must admit I have never had grilled, baked or steamed oysters, I have only had them raw.  So, after several more minutes, the barkeep came back, and we ordered some of the grilled oysters and got her permission to eat dinner at the bar.  Flash forward 45 minutes (checked watch), not only had we not received the grilled oysters, but we had not been asked about another cocktail.

I had remained somewhat patient throughout this period as I was thoroughly enjoying the time I had to converse with my son, but I was starting to get a little impatient.  Finally, the bartender returned (at the 50-minute mark) and asked if we wanted another cocktail, I took the opportunity (not knowing when I might see her again) to inquire about the status of our grilled oysters.  You would have thought that I asked her for a kidney, she gave me this look of sheer anger as if this was the last straw.

Suddenly, this very frustrated individual went into a tirade and began lecturing me about how “I do not understand how busy the grill guy was” and that “they are doing their best to serve everyone”.  Ok, let me be very clear here, I asked her very politely, and in no way was ever indignant or rude.  Finally, after her three minutes of lecturing me ended, I look at her and said, “ma’am I haven’t seen you in almost an hour and have no way of understanding anything”.  She lost it and began yelling at me (to be fair, it was noisy in the place), I’m not really sure what it was she said to me at that point and quite frankly didn’t care.  She walked away and a few minutes later returned with the grilled oysters (which, by the way, were extremely salty, overcooked and drowned in butter and garlic).

After eating the oysters, I looked at my son, who was equally stunned and said to him “I am not spending any more money here, let’s leave”.  So, we settled our tab and left.  The bartender did not even thank us for our business.  We found another restaurant (local) and finished our dinner and our night (the food and service at this local location were awesome!).  I was completely dumbfounded by this incident, it would be a different story if I had been belligerent, rude or out of line with this bartender.  But the truth is, I was completely polite and let’s face it waiting an hour for your dinner would be bad, but we were just waiting on an appetizer and second round of drinks.

I have nothing but compassion for this bartender as she was completely overwhelmed without any sign of a manager of help.  She did, however, spend a disproportionate amount time on one side of the bar, especially with one couple and talked for long stretches of time.  A gentleman sitting next to us had complained that his “oyster shooter” (cocktail referred to earlier), had not arrived after 30 minutes.  On the other side of me, there were two ladies who also left in disgust with a similar complaint.  The restaurant had been somewhat busy but at the time of this incident, there were tables that were empty.  So, wasn’t there some workers available to help out in other places?

I mainly blame the restaurant manager for this unpleasant experience.  I get it that sometimes people don’t come in for work or are sick, but didn’t they have a plan B?  When I first went to the Acme Oyster House in New Orleans there were only two locations, now there are 6 of them so I guess they have become another corporate run restaurant complete with the unfriendly trimmings.  It is not unusual anymore for growth to reduce the quality of service, it usually gets lost in the mission statement.

Again, I feel bad for the bartender, I am her age and cannot imagine having to run around that bar like a mouse looking for the cheese in a maze.  But, at what point do you suck it up and tell the customer that you apologize for the wait and your food should be right out.  You never tell a paying customer that they don’t understand how tough things are and they need to get a grip.  Well, I guess you can, but your tip might reflect that attitude and let’s face it that’s where the money is in a restaurant job.

It is brutal in today’s job market as more baby-boomers take bartender and server jobs in order to eke out a living (never mind retirement).  Corporate owned establishments have little pity or consideration for those employees, couple that with low pay and you have the recipe for the frustration that sometimes bleeds through to the customers.  If I had been treated better or maybe if a manager had come over and offered an apology we might have stayed.  I used to go to this restaurant anytime I traveled to New Orleans (a city that I love) throughout the late 1980s to late 1990s, it was always a great experience, cocktails and ahhh—the oysters!   I guess the Acme Oyster House has become so popular that they can afford to treat customers poorly, that’s too bad, I used to love them.

Talk to Ya Later

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